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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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CH-JM

Customer Question

I have 2.5 year old twin boys. One of the twins is constantly demanding attention - it is VERY bad - he would wine, pinch, take/demand ANYTHING that his brother has. It seems like he is looking for whatever attention from us parents - positive or negative as long as it is directed at him, not his brother. What can we do to stop this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  jfaherty77 replied 2 years ago.

jfaherty77 :

hi good morning

jfaherty77 :

I'd like to help are you there?

Customer :

yes

jfaherty77 :

Having twins myself, around the same age, I can relate to what you are going through. Much of what children that age, and twins in particular, with their parents deal with is attention seeking. I'd say you are absolutely correct in that the one twin is looking for whatever attention they can get.

jfaherty77 :

my daughter is very similar in her behavior. what we try and do is instead of giving her the attention that she is seeking (pos or neg), we put her in time out for a short time out for a minute or two, ask them to apologize and teach them the correct behavior. I see that you've tried similar, but we try not to make the time-out something that gives them the attention they are looking for.

Customer :

we tried

jfaherty77 :

it does take time and effort, and I can't say that my daughter hasn't stopped, but she certainly has improved. she has good days and bad days.

jfaherty77 :

I'm sorry that you rated my response, which we were in the middle of conversing about, as poor. If there is any way I could help you further please ask. I was not able to fully complete our discussion.

jfaherty77 :

Have a good day and good luck.

Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
Good morning, this sounds oh so familiar to me. My twins are not yet 2, they are 16 months, and they are girls, but I have been experiencing the very same things in regards XXXXX XXXXX demanding attention ever since they were about 4 months old. The reality is that while you did give birth to twins, who shared the same growing space, probably much of the same DNA, and many other similarities, they still are two very completely different people with different emotional needs. Your twin who seeks your attention is simply the one more needy of attention (not to mention that yours are at the "terrible two stage", so the wining and fussing is bound to be present.) Be sure to work with your sons in learning to communicate. Teach your son that by pointing or speaking, rather than whining, that he is better able to get what he wants. Although you cannot give them solo attention all of the time, you are right to make special time with each child individually. At your twins age, they are beginning to have self recognition, and they expect for every one else to recognize them as well. When your son is behaving badly, such as if he begins wining, do speak to him about how wining is not good and show him the difference between wining and an appropriate voice (and be sure that he does understand what wining is, because he is only 2 and beginning to truly learn language). As hard as it may be, it works best to signor your child's negative behavior; as you understand, any kind of attention is what he is seeking. Do pay attention to your twins' positive behavior. Be sure to give both of your twins praise and encouragement when they do behave as you wish; I would also say even pay special notice to when your most needy twin is behaving good (not ignoring the other, but boosting the esteem of the most needy so that he sees you are paying him attention). When you catch him playing well with his brother or sharing, say, "Mommy is so proud of you, that is how you share!" Again, be sure to continue to give each the one on one time they need, both with you, other family, and playmates. It is important that your sons do gain individuality and are not always lumped to gether as a pair. This is only the tip of the iceberg in regards XXXXX XXXXX with this issue with twins. Here is an article that provide insight on how to encourage a positive bond between your twins: http://talk-about-twins.com/html/twin_bond1.html
And another with more advice for dealing with an attention seeking child:http://life.familyeducation.com/behavioral-problems/punishment/42962.html

If there is any other way that I can be of assistance on this, or any other parenting issue, please message for "earthsister." I wish you the best.

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earthsister
earthsister
139 Satisfied Customers
Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.