Good morning, I would like to work to assist you today.
How was the decision made that the 23 year old would be coming back?
we havent really made that decision...my partners son said that he will be at home for a year..and i believe aiming at me that we "cant shake him off that easy"
So when he announced that he was coming back, what was your husbands input on the idea?
excuse me, partner
firstly he is not my husband we are defacto...he doesnt really discuss it...
probalby for me is it unreasonable to want the young adult to move on with his own life...
i believe my partner may find it hard to tell his son that there is a time frame
I do not think that you are being unreasonable, I can definitely understand your concerns, and I do agree that you and your partner should be making that decision together; especially considering that the young man has been in your life since he was basically a child.
I am sorry that you feel that I have not provide you with enough help, I am still here, and would like to work with you through this issue.
I should have kept my signature unavailable, because I was still looking to engage you in conversation, pardon me.
It seems that the most difficult part of this issue, from what you typed in your question will be convincing your partner that you too should have input on this decision, am I correct?
You need to continue to approach your partner about this issue. Help him see that you have been there in his children's lives for 6 yeas already, and that you too feel responsible for setting the rules and guidelines of your home.
A good way to approach your husband, instead of just stating that you think his son is old enough, would be to sat that you know he loves his son, and by encouraging and helping him to live on his own, he would be helping him grow into a responsible man.
excuse me, that is "to say"
thank you for your input...as you possibly can tell i feel very strongly and feel very frustrated with the situation..
No problem, I can definitely understand your frustration
If his son is to move in with you, it would be important that you and your partner set some ground rules that will help his son toward moving out on his own
i also am concerned that the son will blame me...\ i think for me one of the issues is that if i had known that the kids would live with us long term i would not have entered the relationship..i have tried to cope but feel that i am done with coping
I know that you have expressed this to your partner, and as gently as you can, express it again
yes you are right there needs to be a time frame that is realistic...but also my partner needs to recognise my needs as far as my grandchildren go..i am sick of his children being the first concern.
Let your partner be the one to set the rules; you just let him know that rules need to be set, and that it's for the best, XXXXX XXXXX son's growth into a man.
Suggest to your partner that his son helps with the yard work, cleaning around the home, running errands and so on, until he can secure a job of his own, and help out financially around the home; but of course, only temporarily. It would be best to set a timeline, because otherwise, him staying there may drag on from months to years. Be primarily a guide to your partner, as he sets the rules and standards, putting your input in as you see fit. Here is a nice article that may help you and your partner develop a strategy for how to deal with his son moving in temporarily:http://www.livestrong.com/article/90356-deal-adult-child-home/
I do see that you attempted to accept my answer at some point during this chat, and I thank you; unfortunately that time I had my "Accept Button" disabled, which is what I should have done in the beginning when we were opening the chat. Either way, I will leave my accept button available for your return if you still feel that I have been of some assistance to you. If not, please let me know how better I may be able to assist you. If you have any further questions or comments, please message for "earthsister." I wish you and your family the best.
And one more thought in regards XXXXX XXXXX grandchildren, talk to your partner about this issue in a way that shows support and concern for all of the children involved. Try not to make it a thing of mine, and yours, but rather ours; and stress to him that all of your (our) grandchildren deserve equal love and attention. Maybe suggest to your partner that you all set a calendar; on some visits with the grandchildren it can be his that visit, on the next it can be yours, and when you two feel up to it, get all of the grandkids together at once. This should help in building a bond between the children and one another as well as between you, your partner and both sets of grandchildren. Here is one more resource that I would like to provide you with, that gives further ideas and encouragement for parenting in a blended family: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/blended_families_stepfamilies.htm