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Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Adviser Mills C.C.D., Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 151
Experience:  15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
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What is an appropriate punishment for my teenager who has been

Resolved Question:

What is an appropriate punishment for my teenager who has been caught getting drunk and high after being grounded for a month for it?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Hello, I would encourage you to get a hold of the situation completely.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Her safety is the most important thing in this situation. may I ask how old she is?

Customer:

She will be 16 in August.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, very young to be having these difficulties. I am sorry you are going through this.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Most important you need to get her to someone to help you with this, because there is an underlying problem if she is self medicating in such a way. Sometimes solving the first issue, can help you gain control. But, the proper punishment at her age, as the questions asked.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I would not allow any friends, since there is an influence in her group. And no cell phone. I would try to have no electronics in the house for a week to increase communication between the two of you.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

You need to let her now, that you need to establish trust again, and once you do..you will be able to trust her with guest, going out and a cell phone. She needs to earn your trust back. I hope this helps.

Customer:

She signed up for 4 college classes this summer and I am proud of her for that. However, she has to have her laptop to do the online classes and is getting on facebook when she has the laptop.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, I understand. You can not watch her at all times.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

You will not be able to keep her away from everything. That is impossible. But, laying the rules and how things will get worse is the most important things.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

thing, sorry.

Customer:

We grounded her all summer and took her cell phone, tv, and friends away. Is that too much? Should I create a chart that allows her days taken off of the amount she is grounded for behaving and doing well? She talks back, is disrespectful, and doesn't clean her room or help out around the house. Should she be allowed to watch tv? Is taking everything away a bad idea? I don't want to go overboard and throw her into depression or cause her to run away.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, for the entire summer, would be too much. A week of no electronics is long enough for a child her age.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I always create a chart..there should be a reward system in place for her to work with.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

This can also get her to help you more. Let her earn time or freedoms by doing things correctly.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I would keep a close eye on her all summer, this is an important time. But, at the same time work on trying to open communication back up with her. Consider bringing in a third party or a mediator.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

If you do not want to take the tv away, because I agree if she is grounded at home, you do not want depression setting in.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Let her earn time with the tv, throughout the day. Throughout the week, earn time with her friends (under your supervision), Throughout the month, earn time with her cell.

Customer:

So one week of no electronics? Then do I still not let her go to friends houses for awhile? How long? They are definately where she gets her wild side from. They all admitted they don't know any other way to have fun :(


 

Customer:

She told me that no matter what I do or say if she wants to get high, she will but that she doesn't want to.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

No going to her friends.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

You have regain control. She is very young. Empower yourself by remembering you are guiding her towards making decisions on her own, you must stay firm. Do not back down.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, I would allow visits with her friends only under supervision until you feel that you have gained more trust within this situation.

Customer:

So what would you say is the appropriate amount of time before we start having the friends come around?


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I would say, use it as a reward on your chart, make her earn this time.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

supervise them, get to know them. Try to steer her clear of the ones that have the most influences.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

you need them to come around so that you can find the issue within the group.

Customer:

It's so sad that out of her friend group there are 6 of them.... They all say getting high makes everything more fun and the music is better and everything is better. I just wish we could move away and get her away from them.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I understand, yes getting her away from her friend group would be the best thing you could do for her. But, she has to learn to make the right decisions.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

That is very sad. I am sorry you are stuck in that situation.

Customer:

They are all beautiful girls and good looking guys. They make good grades. Only one of them has parents who play no influence at all. That specific girl said she has no reason to be good because her parents don't care what she does. I just wasn't sure how to punish my daughter appropriately and be productive. I have a husband and an ex that both give opposite answers so I thought I would try yours.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, this is one of those times..that you will get a great deal of opinion.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Some will say to strip her room down to her walls.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

But, you and I both know, as parents of girls, that this will lead to depression.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Keep an eye on the one with the least parenting.

Customer:

Yes, for sure. I just read where a boy that got grounded for using tobacco, got a gun and killed his sister while she was sleeping.

Customer:

My daughter ran away 6 months ago because we wouldn't let her spend the night with a girl that was a bad influence. So, I am just trying to be productive and make this right.


 

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, especially during the summer. Just remember she is the most important thing. Make sure that she stays safe at all times.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

she will break, they always do at this age. Hopefully, she will turn more towards you. You are doing it right. You are on the right track.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

try to find something she can volunteer to do this summer, anything to get her away from the friends. Something in your community. She might find something she enjoys even more

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I hope this helped today, Thank you for using JA!

Customer:

Thanks alot!!

Customer:
Adviser Mills C.C.D., Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 151
Experience: 15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
Adviser Mills C.C.D. and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
I hope you are doing well.

I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

I am here if you even need more support.

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Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Owner/Director
15 Satisfied Customers
15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor