My twenty yearold daughter is home from college for the suimmer. She is working two jobs and taking a makeup course. Tonight she ncalled on her way home from class and asked if she could stay over at another girls house. She doesn't have to go to work till 9 am tomorrow. I relayed the message to my wife who was watching tv with me. My wife said no she can't be staying out all night. my daughter said the next day she goes inb at 5 am and won't be able to go out the night before that. my wife still said no. I relayed the message and hung uyp. my daughter called back and said we were unreason able and was going to the friends house.what should we do ? my wife wants to take the keys away and thats it. i said i thin k thats unreasonablee and i was told i'm not being a father.what should we do?
usually i tell the daughter she can go to the friends house and i'm berated by my wife as being some unmentionable wimp names.
Good evening, I would like to try and assist you this evening. Have you already had a heart to heart talk with your wife about this situation?
It sounds to me like you have a very hard working, responsible daughter, for her to be in college and working 2 jobs. I also would assume that with her working two jobs, she is paying for at least half of her living expenses; also seeing that she is home for college, this means that she usually stays away from home, then generally, your daughter is accustomed to having the freedom to come and go as she pleases to whomever home she pleases (not to mention that she is only 1 year from being a certified adult.) Considering all of this, I would judge that your wife is being unreasonable. It almost sounds as well as if there is something deeper between your daughter and your wife, for your wife to want to take the keys from her, just like that, and leave her on her own. You and your wife need to talk about this issue together, and come to some kind of agreement so that you two are on the same page.
Your wife may be uneasy about loosing her little girl, but she must understand that her little girl is now an adult, seems to be proving that she is responsible enough, and should be treated as such; these are the things that you need to help your wife to see. What may likely happen if you take the keys away from her, and leave her own her own, that she does exactly that, goes on her own, and doesn't seek out the support of her parents again. Taking the keys away does not seem like a threat that your daughter would have much concern about, seeing that she appears more than able to support herself anyway. The goal should be for you and your wife to come to an agreement of what kind of agreement you two can both come to between you and your daughter. Maybe your wife would feel better about your daughter staying out if she knew the location and contact number to where your daughter would be staying.
I see that you have stepped out of the chat, so I will leave you with one final resource; here is a nice article that gives bit more advice on how to set rules an guidelines for our adult children who come home from college in the summer: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/3079389/ns/today-parenting_and_family/t/when-college-kids-come-home-summer/#.T9AqQVKwVhI
Again, work to first get on the same page with your wife on what kinds of rules you will set for your daughter while she is home from college. From there the two of you can sit down with your daughter and develop a set of rules (keeping her maturity in consideration) that is comfortable and fair for both sides. If there is any way that I can further assist you on this, or another parenting question, please message for "earthsister." Thank you.
Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Hi I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. Did my answer help?Let me know,earthsister