Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.
such a great question. such a tough spot and so hard to sit back and do nothing.
has your daughter asked for your help?
Let me also say that there is no right or wrong way to go here...but rather we look at both possibilities and find which feels most comfortable and the possible outcomes.
Are you here with me?
Yes, she has not asked me to intervene and I have not offered as yet. If I offered, she would probably say she didn't want me to intervene.
ok well lets start from there....
As an adult she needs to take responsibility for her appointments, etc. She made a mistake and even though it was confusing she still could have checked to make sure she had it all correct.
I do hear that she has had a lot to deal with but as you say she soldiered on....
i hear a fighting spirit in her and believe she will soldier on from this and learn from it as well.
Of course you want to go in and make it better....you love her, but I don't really believe there will be a change in the outcome and maybe it doesnt let her step up and take responsibility.
I know you worry about her future and her career and she will hit many speed bumps and have to negotiate all of them
Yes I know. She can be scatty and disorganised. I know I have this tendency to want to prevent what I see as impending disaster. I guess this is my catastrophising not hers.
yes and as a parent myself I can certainly understand that space. But you may be giving her better skills moving forward by not doing anything.
and maybe she needs to feel a bit worried about it all so that she can pick up and dust off and be less scatty
Yes I can see that. I suppose I'm mad at her as well for being so careless. Its a hard way to learn a lesson.
yes your anger and frustration is absolutely normal and you may even feel more angry if you were to get involved and get the same response she did or even change it...I think you are right here to sit back and I believe your gut knows that otherwise you would not have reached out here and you would have just intervened.
the love of our children makes us want to protect them all the time, but at some point they need to fly on their own and make some mistakes along the way.
and this wont be her last.
Thank you so much for helping me get perspective. I suppose the best thing I can do is to keep her calm for her solo performance tomorrow, having calmed myself first of course!
you sound terrific and yes that is your focus now...whats done is done...let her wow them in her solo.
Thanks Jennifer. I'll pass that on!
let me know how it all goes. You can come to me anytime.
please click accept if i have been helpful and I look forward to our next time together.