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Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Adviser Mills C.C.D., Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 153
Experience:  15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
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Hi, I am having trouble with my son not listening, and back

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am having trouble with my son not listening, and back talking..he is only 5, and I will admit spoiled..he even has bad day's at daycare...what can I do before it get's worse, and before he start's kindergarten???
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.

earthsister :

Good afternoon, I will do my best to be of assistance for you today.

Customer:
Customer:

thank you


 

Customer:

do you have any suggestions?


 

earthsister :

What kind of things have you tried already to stop this?

Customer:

time-out, taking stuff away


 

earthsister :

Have you had a conversation with him, to explain that such behavior is unacceptable?

Customer:

yes, i have tried...don't seem to be working...he act's up more when I or his dad are around


 

earthsister :

ok, and how long has this been happening?

Customer:

so many people have told me.. "Well he was good until you got here"....it's going on about 7 months


 

earthsister :

My first suggestion would be to continue to talk to him about his behavior. Talking back is a common behavior for 5 year olds, as they are gaining greater cognitive ability to respond to the words and actions of others. Be sure that your 5 year old is not witnessing others talking back, such as an older sibling, peers, or even you yourself, as commonly the behaviors that young children adapt come directly from their daily environments.

earthsister :

Let him know that such behavior is unacceptable, and will give others a cause to not like him (not you of course because you love him), but that talking back makes your relationship with him difficult.

earthsister :

Give him the opportunity to express himself in pictures or even to write his feelings down in a journal. My mother told me when I was younger that I was free to talk back in my own mind; because realistically, that's where the talking back stays, because no one else can hear your thoughts. Encourage him to not talk back by giving him little rewards for his good behavior (especially at times when he generally would have talked back in the past, but doesn't.) Rewards are a far better way to achieve results with children than punishments are, because the children look forward to receiving the rewards again and again.

earthsister :

Here as well is an article that outlines some of the reasons that 5 year olds talk back, and help on what to do about it: http://www.babycenter.com/0_talking-back-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_66568.bc I noticed that you mentioned others saying that he was good "until you got here." He could be talking back as a way of expressing his anger or being upset about a change in his everyday life (perhaps a move to a new house, school, or day care). Hang in there Mom, children have ways of testing our patience, but understand that he is a child, and children go through many phases and stages throughout their growth (you and I did as well). Keep being patient, and talking to him to find the root, and solution of the problem. If I can assist you in any other way, please let me know. Happy Holiday!

Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 4 years ago.
Do you need any further help with this issue?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes please
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 4 years ago.
This is my main age group...the 5 year olds. I have 35 graduating from my preschool this year, I can help. Please let me know is he going through any kind of change at the present time? need to rule that out first?
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 4 years ago.
I will start to answer and see if this helps. This is a very normal rocky time for most children. They are growing beyond their communication levels at this point. You are being tested. This is not because you spoil him, this is because you love him. You need to get help with his preschool/daycare on structure and activities that keep him engaged. Most likely there are some people he listens too, and some he challenges. That person may be only you. This is normal. I find with this age group...appreciating every positive day they have works best. Create a simple reward program..stickers, snacks or even little stars. Make a chart. He starts with so many points a day, and you deduct from those points for each offense.
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 4 years ago.
You make up the rules...take points for each problem in the day. Make it worth his while, give him 20 each day. This also needs to be supported at his preschool with written daily reports to you. When you get home, go to the chart. If he keeps a certain amount of points give him a star for that day. His WHOLE life will become getting this star. When he gets 5 days in a row, something special happens...a treat, an outing or anything you deem fit. Now the hard part is, you must no to anything before he reaches those 5 stars. You have too, to make the system work.It is a point bank system, the best part, he is also learning math. He will strive for that star. They all do, it works. When he gets to "big school" :) they will have procedures like this in place, so you will be preparing him to be held accountable. Any questions so far?
Adviser Mills C.C.D., Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 153
Experience: 15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
Adviser Mills C.C.D. and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 4 years ago.
I hope this works out for you and your son! If you need any further instruction on this let me know. You can ask for me when you ask a question. Just want to make sure that you have all the information you need to help you through the transition. Good luck!!!

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