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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My mother was cruel and nasty, telling secrets to her children

Resolved Question:

My mother was cruel and nasty, telling secrets to her children that were to be confident. I am 58 and my adult children say I am acting like her. I need to stop! Is that possible?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.

Customer:

Good morning, and Happy Holiday! I will do my best to assist you today.

Customer:

It is very common to act like our parents did when we reach different ages in life. Especially growing up around that parent all of the time; we naturally learn and take on many of their characteristics (both good and bad, genetic included). That does not mean, however, that you are stuck being that same way. You are an individual, not your mother; and the first step of being able to change any unwanted behavior in yourself starts with first recognizing that behavior; and it appears that you do, and that you want to change.

Customer:

Do you yourself think that you are acting like your mother did?

Customer:

Just as all behaviors, your habit of carrying on the negative traits of your mother begins in your mind. You obviously have much of how your mother behaved embedded in your mind, and whether consciously or not, you are acting that out. Since you recognize the behavior, the ability to change it lies in your own ability to control your thinking (and ultimately your actions). Here is an article that gives a step by step process of how to stop unwanted thoughts: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/positive-thinking-stopping-unwanted-thoughts# If you do not think that this is something that you can handle on your own, I would suggest getting the help of a family therapist. I can tell that you care about your children because you are seeking out help with this issue. If your children don't already know that you want to change, tell them this, and I am sure that they will be patient, and understanding; after all, one day they will be the age that you are now, and may be experiencing the same thing. If you need any other insight or assistance, please do not hesitate to ask.

JACUSTOMER-83zx9pgc- :

Ok, now that was helpful! I am happy to hear that I can change being like my mother. I definitely am checking out the article on WebMD. Thank you for your time, as I appreciate that!

JACUSTOMER-83zx9pgc- :
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Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.
Hi I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. Did my answer help? Let me know,Customeredited>41061.7889915162

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