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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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Yesterday, I was using my iphone4 to look at Twitter while

Customer Question

Yesterday, I was using my iphone4 to look at Twitter while i was waiting for a movie to start (not dark in the theater yet). I opened my 16 year old daughter's twitter page and looked to see who she was following besides myself. The person at the top looked like her boyfriend, who has been dating for over a year and had a brief break up with the day before over how much time he spends with female friends. I should mention that I am friends with his mother and we have get togethers with them at times. I tapped on his image to see the picuture larger, and it opened his twitter account. I put the phone back in my purse because the movie was starting, without closing the app. After the movie, he called my daughter to tell her I had favorited a tweet directed to one of the female friends, which was apparently his last tweet. She was upset with me but was good about it, asking me if I had. I said no because I didn't know what she was talking about, but then I remembered looking at twitter! I went to my phone and sure enough, I had indeed favorited his tweet to one female friend that said, "I love you too!" in response to a group tweet she had sent saying she loved her friends, which included him and other boys. I certainly had no idea I had favorited this, so I unfavorited it and apologized to my daughter, telling her I didn't know how it happened. Now both of them are unhappy with me because they think I was trying to intrude on/give an opinion about their relationship problem, considering they had broken up over his friends only hours before but worked it out. Should I sit them down and apologize? Do I explain what happened to both of them, or just him or just my daughter? What about his mother?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

Hello, I am here to help, let me review your issue

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

In my opinion, start with your daughter

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

ask her if you should talk to him and let that be her call

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

these things happen and I am sure you had the wind knocked out of you, twitter is a hard place to navigate. I am sure they will understand. Once cleared with her. Since you are good friends with the mother, if she will not discuss this with her child, it would be best that you have a talk with her.

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

I do believe that you feel better explaining it to him, but to go to him without asking her first, would seem to be a further intrusion. I know at this age it feels like you are walking through a mine field.

Customer :
Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

And beyond that it is great that you check her twitter, and any other social networking sites. You just made a mistake. We are human after all! Tough being a mom. What else can I do to help?

Customer :

absolutely! I didn't want to make things too awkward with their family, considering we parents have a close relationship outside of them. I should mention that he was sexually abused by an adult several years ago (a male, I'm female) and has a hard time trusting adults now. So he is making a bigger deal of this than a typical boyfriend would. Thanks for your answer.

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

That is very understandable. He most likely is suffering from a little conspiracy theory on his part. I am sure you can settle this all down and it will blow over. Honesty and communication are the best solution to this problem.

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

This is what I always tell parents with children this age, that come to me. The best you can do is put yourself in their shoes, you are already doing that. Remember, some parents would not give this a second thought, you are going to great links to do the right thing. Pat yourself on the back

Brandy Mills, C.C.D. :

and breathe, this will pass.

Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
I am still here if you have more questions. Chat just ended.
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
I want to make sure we have covered everything, very sorry we were kicked out of chat:( you can also ask me questions here and I can reply.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Would like a response from a psychologist or teenage parenting expert
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
Okay, I am not a psychologist. But teens are pretty much my life, I coach and direct them in theater. I teach drama to teens, and they confide in me sometimes before they confide in anyone. I am for sure a teen expert, if I can help you in any way. I am here. :) I also have a teen, and I feel for you on every level.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Relist: Other.
Would like a response from a psychologist or teenage parenting expert
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
Good morning. I am the mother of two preteens, work with teenagers regularly, and am myself no more than 14 years from being a teen myself, so I will try to be of assistance. Teenagers, of all ages, seek independence, as they are maturing into young adults, and naturally want to gain control over their own lives. Whenever a parent intrudes, without prior notice (especially when a boyfriend/girlfriend is involved) this can cause a great amount of embarrassment. My suggestion would be, since you already have a relationship with his mother, speak to her first about the issue (just you and her). Explain everything to her that you would want to tell her son, and perhaps from her insight, she could recommend whether or not speaking to him would be a good idea, or maybe since she is your peer and his mother, she could do so on your behalf. This would help you to get closer to resolving the issue, without approaching either of them yet (and appearing yet again to be prying into their relationship). You have already apologized to your daughter; let that sit for a while. You speaking to his mother would not be going behind anyones back (since you and she already have a relationship). If you need any clarification about my suggestion, or any other assistance, please do not hesitate to message "earthsister." I wish you the best.

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