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DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I am a Psychologist and Mother of 2.
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my child is hyperventilating for first time, she says she has

Customer Question

my child is hyperventilating for first time, she says she has it often at moms house, hence the classical music request just before bedtime.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

DrFee :

Hello! Please remember that my responses are informational only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

DrFee :

Are you familiar with abdominal breathing?

Customer:

yes

DrFee :

Abdominal breathing is very effective for slowing down hyperventilation. Children seem to be able to use it more easily than adults.

DrFee :

It's easiest lying down ---have you tried that with her?

Customer:

problem is, we are in very heavy custody battle

Customer:

she told me she has it in moms house often

DrFee :

Yes, that would trigger a TON of anxiety for her!

Customer:

step dad is nuts

Customer:

i was always amicable with mom for 6 years

Customer:

even now

DrFee :

What is the step dad doing?

Customer:

telling her I am possesed by the devil

DrFee :

You are kidding me! That is cruel.

Customer:

thats just one of 1000 things

Customer:

bathing her against her will

DrFee :

I would report him to child protective services....

Customer:

showing her how he can kill

Customer:

done that

DrFee :

And?

Customer:

useless

DrFee :

Keep reporting ---Has she seen a therapist?

Customer:

took me 2 years to get the records and now they are old

Customer:

therapist was cancelled by mom

DrFee :

Did the therapist report?

Customer:

court always orders it again, I go, but then the therapist has to stop because mom doesnt do same

DrFee :

Do you happen to be in CA?

Customer:

therapist did not get same from my daughter as I, but says he doesnt see any ilness and to believe her

Customer:

yes, in CA

DrFee :

OK...great....contact this guy: http://www.danielrybicki.com/

DrFee :

He is an amazing expert regarding this type of situation.

DrFee :

And he knows everyone in the field.

Customer:

cool! I was just about to die! 4 years of this is too much

DrFee :

I can't even imagine. Your heart must be breaking.

Customer:

it was unforgettable to see my daughter cry, then shake enormously and then 'Daddy, help me, I cant breathe'

Customer:

I cry every day now

DrFee :

I bet --this sounds horrible.

Customer:

its terrifying

DrFee :

Yes

Customer:

he has threatened me, wants to adopt etc.

DrFee :

That's not right --you are her father.

Customer:

child psych said: she is very resilient, but she will eventually break down

DrFee :

Of course.

Customer:

evenly aligned with mom and me

Customer:

although she never wanted to go home between 5-8

DrFee :

I hope that Dr. Rybicki can help you. He's an extremely caring man too boot.

Customer:

thank you so much! Is my daughter having a break down?

DrFee :

"Break down" is a vernacular term --there's really no such thing --anxiety for sure. Stress for sure. Possibly trauma reaction too.

Customer:

Its so unbelievable, I was more the mom, I had an employee do my work and had her all day

DrFee :

Sounds like you two are very attached/bonded.

Customer:

we are so close, and now she stopped telling me things

Customer:

cps said we seemed very bonded

DrFee :

I'm sure she's confused about how to handle the situation.

Customer:

she knows I will call for help if she tells me stuff

Customer:

then she gets punished

DrFee :

That makes sense --so she is trying to survive.

Customer:

i dont know how to handle it, I gained 65 pounds, lost most of my business

DrFee :

It sounds like you could use some support through all of this.

Customer:

I asked everywhere how to deal with this, no answer

Customer:

situational, they say

DrFee :

Have you heard of the term "530 evaluation" ?

Customer:

get a good lawyer and take your xanax

Customer:

is that a more evolved custudy eval?

DrFee :

Yes

Customer:

we were ordered custody eval, she didnt go

DrFee :

How can she get away with that??

Customer:

the psychologist said he is reputable and thus although you can start that alone, he wouldnt

Customer:

old judge was about to get mad, now we got a judge she knows

Customer:

we had 326/327 eval

Customer:

it said partial, but up to today I dont know what that means?

DrFee :

Hmmm....I don't know what that means either.

Customer:

everything the court ordered, cell phone, child psych, was worthless. they even take custody time away

Customer:

they pick her up early from school and disappear

DrFee :

It just doesn't sound kosher

Customer:

fought 8 months of lice without help from mom

DrFee :

meaning it seems like they are getting away with something right now.

DrFee :

The school never calls CPS?

Customer:

they are in the school, they live across from the school, volunteer, and step dad and the female principal both lost their kids to their ex completely

DrFee :

So they are on a mission then ---

Customer:

very much so

Customer:

they tell me so, they will never give up

DrFee :

Well, it sounds like neither will you!

Customer:

cant

DrFee :

Yes, she needs you.

Customer:

my new lawyer understands more, so maybe? he wants psych eval on step dad. court mediator writes that parents arefine

Customer:

can you get psych eval on stepdad?

Customer:

She asked me to befriend him and take him to Holland and shoot him

DrFee :

We're stepping a bit outside of my expertise -so I don't know how that works. But --for sure Dr. Rybicki knows.

Customer:

I have a tape where she wants to get the cat out of the house and then bomb the house

DrFee :

your ex-wife?

Customer:

I think she meant both

Customer:

my daughter said ths

DrFee :

Oh, OK....i see

Customer:

6 year old then

DrFee :

wow.

Customer:

i told her she shouldnt think that way

Customer:

she said 'I know', but its a good idea

DrFee :

But --it shows how she is feeling ---desperate.

Customer:

i thought she was doing much better now, she is 9.

Customer:

But she just doesnt say much anymore, it became physical

DrFee :

Since you've given some details regarding your situation, I want to inform you that you can request that this transcript be "locked" by the Moderators if you so desire.

Customer:

Thank you, and

Customer:

i will follow up

DrFee :

Good. I hope that there is a break through soon for you and your daughter.

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX very helpful!

DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I am a Psychologist and Mother of 2.
DrFee and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
Hello! Do you still need help with this issue, I think I can help. Is there any other times your child is experiencing this type of attack?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Not that I know of, however she says she has them several times at Mom's house where there is a lot of nonsense going on with a disturb step father. He tells her that I am posessed with the devil, all the nonsense you can think of including threats. She cant call me and I cant call her, or they monitor the conversation and step dad farts in the phone. She says :'you probably get tired of hearing this but I need to go, dinner is getting cold'. Its really insane, and I dont know how my ex lets this all happen. Step dad is also, or was, bathing her against her will (she was then 8). He befriended a convicted child molester at church that got convicted for just that. I dont understand anything of it. He doesnt work but only volunteers for children. My daughter even asked me to befriend him and take him to my home country and shoot him! 2 years ago, she is now 9. She is afraid of him. I am too. He got me falsely jailed for 12 hours because he made a false police report. I cant deal with this guy.
Expert:  Adviser Mills C.C.D. replied 2 years ago.
Please follow the advice from the expert above. She is suffering from panic attacks. And have every reason to do so.

this is also out of my expertise, but do Everything you can to get her out of that environment.

Sweet baby, I am so sorry for your family. Please research and teach her breathing techniques and get her to a doctor when you can. If you have too, get the police involved.

Good luck to you. Be strong for her, she needs you.

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