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professional_Alison
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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My son who is now 12 & in 7th grade has struggled in school

Resolved Question:

My son who is now 12 & in 7th grade has struggled in school since 2nd grade, & was always just a little behind. Because of behavior/concentration issues during school hours, we were asked to get him checked for ADHD. I did, & of course that was the diagnosis. He's been on a couple different meds, but Vyvance has been his Dr's choice pretty early on. I've never liked any of it or how he is when on it! I to was diagnosed with adult ADD after I found out it was heriditary, & although it explained a lot about my childhood, I was most of the time able to do fairly well, but would eventually need a fire lit under my ass, so to speak when I started slacking. I understand different levels of this require different solutions, but he's still struggled in school, & after being pushed through his elementary school because of the "No child left behind" BS law, he's now having to probably repeat 7th grade, even after also doing summer school. I feel like I'm kind of rambling here, but I'm just at a loss of what to do, that will motivate him to want to do better, & why the schools just seem to let this happen & have very little communication with the parents to get things figured out.???
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 1 year ago.

professional_Alison :

Hello there, may I help you? Have you considered getting your son a tutor to help support him educationally? It may also be a good idea to use a points system to allow him to improive and work on his grades. If he does well he gets a point, if he reaches 10 points he gets anice day out or a treat such as a new cd or a video game.

 

Positive encouragement are very important here, your son needs the support of both you and the school.

 

professional_Alison41043.8474169792
Customer:

Besides the after school tutors he's had, which are usually the high school kids that help out, as I stated before we've never been able to afford private tutors or something like Sylvan learning center.

professional_Alison :

Sorry another professional blocked my chat with you. Lets continue..


 

Customer:

Ok

professional_Alison :

It sounds like the school should be providing the educational support for your son and if they are not you would need to go back to them and push for some individual extra help.


 

professional_Alison :

Does your son respond to rewards for good work?


 

professional_Alison :

You could try a points system where if he is trying hard and getting his work done and you see evidence of this based on grades, he could get points and based on the points he could get a reward, say a day out or a treat such as pizza out or a new cd.


 

professional_Alison :

Do you feel this could help?


 

professional_Alison :

 


How about a study friend that could come over and they could work on assignments together.

professional_Alison :

I feel reward systems can work very well with school aged children and can give them a sense of purpose having something to aim for and an end goal in sight.

professional_Alison :

Are you there?


 

professional_Alison :

Please let me know your thoughts, I would be happy to discuss this with you further.


 

professional_Alison :

Does the school have an IEP (individual education program) in place for your son? A child that has been assessed with special needs should have an IEP in place working towards individual targets.


 

professional_Alison :

Well I hope I have provided some ideas for you to think about, do let me know if you need any further assistance.


 

professional_Alison :
Customer:

Sorry for the delay. I'm goin back & forth with this & a work legal question that led me here in the first place. I've tried money for the reward thing, & at first he was all for it, but it never motivated him to continue, & he ended up failing everything anyways. His Dr is the one that brought up the individual learning program to us. The school never did, until I relayed what his Dr had told me, but It still never happened & the correspondence I started never continued. It just seemed to be enevitable that retention was gonna be the best option. We did unknowingly as new parents at the time, start him a year early for kindergarten. His B day is less then a week from the start of school, & when he turned 5, I was under the impression that he went to school then. So he'd actually be where he is supposed to be, if he is held back, but still it has been such little help from the schools, & just passing the buck from one thing to another. & I'm not sure lack of motivation for school & ADHD is considered to be special needs.

professional_Alison :

The school should have recognised his assessment and implemented an IEP you can go back to them and ask why it hasnt been done, he may also be eligable for some funded extra help in school too. ADHD is considered special needs. You need to go in and state the facts to them and push to get some thing done for him. I am not convinced holding him back a year is going to help him.


 

professional_Alison :

The school has an obligation to provide suitable help and educational planning for him and extra support will be funded. Unfortunately i have seen this before and you really do have to fight to get the help your son is entitled to.


 

professional_Alison :

I hope this information will help you to move forward helping your son.

professional_Alison :

I wish you all the best. Do let me know if I can assist you further.


 

Customer:

Well it's almost the end of the year, which has flown by of course. My two biggest fears are that if he's allowed to move on to 8th grade, he'll be lost & just settin up to fail again. Also if he is held back, the social reaction will be a tough thing to deal with. Myself & his mom both have to work a lot, & it's hard to schedule anything with school, beyond what's been said & done on the phone. I am of course willing to fight for any help he needs, cause it's killin me to see him go through this. He's a great kid, but being split from his mom & having two different parenting styles, I know has some if not a lot to blame for his lack of motivation for school. I only get him on the weekends, & his mother has gotten more on board with what needs to be done since seeing him failing this bad. I will get to the school & demand what you said should be his right to get the best education, but I just hope that it's not to late since the end of the year is only a few weeks away.

professional_Alison :

I understand that it can be hard working together when you and your sons mother have different parenting styles but at the end of the day you both want what is best for him and that has to be the common ground you work from. If he moves up he may well struggle but if he moves up with the right help he can only progress. As you say staying down a year will mean leaving friends and a tough time from the children in the class which could damage his confidence and make him even less motivated.


 

professional_Alison :

If you and his Mother can meet with the school and make a plan together to move forward and keep in contact. Make schedules follow up appointments with the school and ask for progress reports on your son.


 

professional_Alison :

This time in his education is vital and it has to be the now or never approach, helping him before he is allowed to slip through the system.

professional_Alison :
professional_Alison :

Good luck, I will schedule a follow up with you to find out how things are going.

Customer:

I'll definitely try. I had talked to the "Dean of students" after his meeting with my son, & was told that he was told about the possibilty of retention & wanted my thoughts on it. I have talked with my son that this was gonna probably happen if he continued to fail, but I don't think really stuck until he heard it from the Dean. He would've actually passed all of his classes or at least came a lot closer if he would've been bringin home & doin his homework. Something else I didn't find out until well into the school year. The site I can get on to see his progress isn't updated daily, which has been another problem, but it seems like I'll just have to get to the school, & make sure all is being done that can be done. I thought retention would be a good idea to show him what could happen if you're goin to slack, & hopefully motivate him to do what he has to do & not constantly be coddeled & led by the hand. I guess kind of a tough love thing in my mind. It does bother, worry, & concern me what effect the possible teasing he may get though if he is held back. Changing schools is not an option.

professional_Alison :

Then staying down a year may be an option, and also having a strict homework time will also help, routine coming in and having a drink and a snack then 30 minutes break before homework, and perhaps not trying to do too many pices at once. He also needs to be supervised doing the work. It may be worth having something to aim for as positive reinforcement on completion of his work.


 

professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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