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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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I found out my 12 year old daughter has been chatting online

Resolved Question:

I found out my 12 year old daughter has been chatting online talking very hardcore sexual chats i didnt even know she knew about , i thought i was very involved in her , i am shocked and worried for her
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.

earthsister :

Good morning. I am sorry to hear about this new experience with your daughter. The pre teen and teen years can be very challenging times for both children and parents.

earthsister :

How did you find out about this?

Customer:

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX her friends mother call me telling me to check it out,

earthsister :

Do you know if the chats are with someone that is her age, that she knows?

Customer:

no they are definatly not

Customer:

we have spoken about this before but seems she didnt take it in

earthsister :

Well, if these people having chats with her are adults, you can definitely report them.

earthsister :

Do you know if she has been sexually active?

Customer:

not to my knowlege

Customer:

feeling like i dont know my own daughter

earthsister :

This is the prime time to talk to your daughter, not just about this, but about everything. The hardest thing to do, however, is to remain calm and engaging as you speak to her. Try not to come across as mad or controlling. 12 year olds often feel that they are mature enough to make their own decisions, and too much authority may cause them to naturally rebel.

earthsister :

Explain sex to her, thoroughly. Let her know about the many young girls, her age, that have become young mothers.

Customer:

too late to stay calm im afraid, me and her father got really mad at her. i will take that advice though.

earthsister :

I know not getting mad is hard, but you want her to listen to you, and being angry will not encourage her to listen.

earthsister :

Tell her that you are afraid. That many of these young girls end up with babies or diseases, and that you love her too much for that. Let her know that she is only a child for a small period of time (about 16-18 years), after that, there is no looking back because getting older is all that's ahead. She has a long time to deal with sex and all that comes with that, but childhood is short, and that she she cherish her childhood while she still has it.

earthsister :

pardon me, I meant that she should cherish her childhood.

Customer:

Thank you , i will do that, I just keep feeling so hurt that she is sooo far past where i thought she was , I am no prude and im not naive to kids and what this generation are like but this was very explicit i just dont feel its the regular normal thing kids do even this day and age .

earthsister :

I do understand your feelings and concern, and you should be; this world is getting crazier everyday. Know however that you are not alone. Many parents are going through these issues, especially with the advances in technology and how easy it is for children to get their hands on it.

earthsister :

Talk to your daughter everyday, not just when issues like this come up.Make special outings with her, to places that she likes; maybe even a concert of one of her favorite music artists;

earthsister :

Use time like this (as well as everyday) to talk to her, and show her that you care.

earthsister :

Here is an article that has further advice on ways of talking to your child about different issues like this: http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/talking_with_kids/

earthsister :

If there are any other questions that you have, don't hesitate to ask. Keep talking to your daughter, if you are there for her, remain calm, and listen to her, she will listen to you in return. I wish you all the best!

Customer:

Thank you very much , i do feel a little better , god bless you x

earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
You are very welcome! And Bless you and your family too!
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
Hi


I'm just following up with you to see how everything is going. Did my answer help?


Let me know,
earthsister

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