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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1785
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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hello my boyfriend and I have a two year old daughter and we

Customer Question

hello my boyfriend and I have a two year old daughter and we have very different views when it comes to raising her she seems to have a temper problem if she can't have what she want when she whats it it's a big problem he determined for her not to be spoiled i don;t thin he understand how what he's doing could affect her he yells and screams at her for the smallest things sometimes i feel she is more afraid of him I know he love he but i feel he' rough on her is it okay to make a child turn her head the other way so she cant see anything because you think it will allow her to go to sleep better or if she starts to cry you yell and scream at her to shut up because you feel she is crying for no reason although she does not listen to me or really any one else at all i dont know what to do with her sometimes because of that I don't want to be hard on her she a toddler also she eats all day she tells me whats she want which is only bad foods and nothing else im not sure if she is hungry or whats what she whats also could you give me some info on spanking because i don't want to do it but i don't know anymore.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

This can be a very difficult time for parents and for a child who is 2 years old. They still dont have the language skills to fully express what they want of feel, so they often cry and have tantrums when they dont get what they want. This is completely normal and age appropriate behavior. You boyfriend might be able to handle these situations better if he had some knowledge about this stage. There are many wonderful books out there on two year olds....here is a link. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_13?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-
keywords=two+year+olds&sprefix=two+year+olds%2Caps%2C328

I agree that the behavior your boyfriend displays toward her is not the best option....she is doing what 2 year olds do...they whine, and scream and tantrum. The way to handle these tantrums is not to raise your voice but in calm moments you let her know what the rules are. Such as Mommy said no TV now, it is bath time. If you dont start getting undressed for bath time now, then you will not have your bath toys in the bath with you.
This is simple and concise and that is all they can handle at that age. You must follow through then with the consequence so within a reasonable amount of time say two minutes, if she does not begin to get undressed you tell her I am now walking to the bathroom to take out your toys for this bath. She won't like it but if you are consistent, over time she will realize she has some choices with how things go. Children need some choices and if you constantly tell her no and he screams at her, she will hang on for deal life about everything. she needs to have some "wins" sometimes. Pick your battles and when she is doing something that she needs the win, then give it to her. This builds her self-esteem and she sees that the word NO is not being used all the time. They are learning independence now and she is figuring out what she can do on her own. so set the limits and make sure they are reasonable and also give her some wins during the day. Screaming and telling her she is crying for no reason is not the way to go. And she is crying for a reason...it is a two year old reason and you must have some empathy for what she struggles with as a two year old.

If she is eating all day she may be using food to comfort herself if she is feeling out of control in these other ways. Give her more choices about things during the day and she may not need to hold on so tightly and she may not need food for comfort. She needs that from both of you.

So take a look at the link above and maybe also call your local hospital for a parenting group to help you both through this stage. There will always be stages and extra support and education can go a long way. Let me know if you have any other thoughts.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1785
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
is it okay to leave her be when she's sad her father gets a little upset because when he calls her to come to him she always hangs her head down and he says she does not do it when I or anyone else calls her and he say pick it up but is it fine to let her walk around with her head down when shes sad? shes also starting to put her stuffed animals to sleep the way he puts her to sleep and she yells at the I dont think that good at all
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I think she hangs her head and is sad as she is frightened by him and clearly if she is putting her stuffed animals to bed the way in which she is treated by him, i think she is showing her feelings of sadness and anger.
She needs support and love and reassurance, not anger and yelling. I strongly urge you to get him into a parenting class or with a counselor so he can work on his own issues of rage and not take it out on her.

Your child is learning that the world is an angry place and it is not. Please love her up and get him some help.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1785
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
I just would like another opinion to
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your wonderful feedback.
It is always great to get additional views. Come back and ask for me anytime. I commend you for reaching out for support. Take great care and I am here to support you if you need anything.
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
Good morning, I can give you my opinion. Have you already spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel?
Expert:  earthsister replied 2 years ago.
If your boyfriend has not already seen how your daughter puts her stuffed animals to bed, similar to how he puts her to bed, he needs to see it. It is important that he sees for himself, and understands that his interaction with her is affecting her negatively. You have to help him help himself, you cannot "get help for him." He has to know that he needs help, and want it for himself, and your daughter. It is also important that you approach him delicately on this subject; she is his daughter as well; and being told that what he is doing in raising his daughter is wrong may anger him and cause further problems. If helping him see that he needs help isn't possible, it may be best to remove your daughter and yourself from that environment, and give him a chance to get himself together.

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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Parenting Counselor
1785 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.