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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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We bought a Droid cell phone for our son and installed monitoring

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We bought a Droid cell phone for our son and installed monitoring software on it. We learned that he used the phone to purchase alcohol and had sent/received nude photos. After these incidents, we took his phone for days or weeks before returning it. After the nude photos, I had him sign an agreement that he wouldn't use the phone to send/receive nude photos, view porn, or send inappropriate text msgs. If he broke the agreement, the consequence would be losing his cell phone permanently until he is old enough to purchase his own. About a month after signing the agreement and regaining his cell phone privileges, I found a porn photo on the phone. We took away his phone (deactivated it and removed it from our account). It has been almost 3 months since then. He has said he didn't realize how much of an impact losing his phone would have, he thinks we are being too strict and should give him another chance, EVERYBODY he tells why he lost his phone thinks it is stupid, whenever he needs a ride from practice he has to borrow someone else's phone and it's embarassing, etc.

I think the consequence was strict. But, I really don't think it is unreasonable to ask a teen not to be using a cell phone for inappropriate and in some cases illegal purposes, especially when I'm providing the phone and paying for it. It also wasn't his first offense. If we give him the phone back after he broke the agreement, are we teaching him that he can break contracts/agreements whenever he feels like it and we are wimpy parents? Your thoughts?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 1 year ago.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? I think you are providing a good example by sticking to your rules. He had boundaries in place and he broke them. I would wait until you are sure he has learnt his lesson and demonstrated maturity to respect what you say. Perhaps his next birthday would be the opportunity to let him have a phone with the discussion of another year older etc.
professional_Alison : As you stated it is not acceptable to have pornographic pictures sent or received on his phone and of course his friend will not agree with what you are doing. But as a parent you hae to protect ptirate children and install good grounding to make well rounded adults and that is exactly what our are doing.
professional_Alison : Some may consider you strict but this is your son at the end of the day ad he had a choice to agree to keep to a contract as he chose to break it. He will take you seriously in future. I have the upmost respect for how you are handling this situation.
professional_Alison : You are completely correct that you should not go back on something you have said and give in to him. This will be a hard lesson but a good lesson in the long run. Please let me know if i can assist you further. If I have answered your question please accept.
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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Expert:  earthsister replied 1 year ago.
I agree with your choice to stick by your decision. He has already been given a second chance,and he blew it. If you think that it may be tough on him to have to borrow someone else's phone to call about practice, get him a simple cheap phone without all the extra features that he can use, just for situations where he may need to call you. Children will push boundaries as far as they can if they see that you don't guard those boundaries. After some time, perhaps through excellent report card grades or behavior, allow him the chance to earn his phone back. I wish you all the best!
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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