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professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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My ex and I have a 12 year old son who spends most of his time

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My ex and I have a 12 year old son who spends most of his time with me. Every other weekend he spends time with his father, although this can be erratic due to father's growing other engagements. My ex has suggested my son stay overnight instead with his grandfather (ex's parent) who although in reasonable health in his late 80s, has had a number of collapses, mini strokes and a major heart operation 5 years ago. My son isn't keen, mostly because he gets a bit bored I think, but I am more concerned about what would happen if grandpa fell ill when my son was alone with him. Am I being unreasonable and unfair by avoiding this situation as my ex suggests or do you think I am right in my concern?

Many thanks for any advice.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? I think you are right to express a concern here. Putting your sons bests interests first is of course what is important to you. Your son is also old enough to express an opinion here.

Hi Alison,


I would like some advice to help back up my argument and speaking to a professional will give me the confidence to make this awkward decision

professional_Alison : Your sons grandfather is quite elderly to be responsible for an almost teenage boy. The other consideration is if he is not in the best of health is he going to be able to entertain him and keep him happy and occupied. Also as you said he had had a number of collapses it would be terrible if anything happened when your son was there.

These are my concerns, but my ex seems to think I am belittling his father by voicing these concerns


I worry how my son would cope not only practically in case of emergency but also emotionally.

professional_Alison : You need to put it simply that if would be awful for your son if anything happened and he had to witness and deal with it. Express that you are not trying to make things difficult merely considering what's best for your son.

Thank you. I feel you have answered my original question. Is there any legal guidance on these issues if things are to get ugly or if my ex persists in trying to do this when it is his time to have his son?

professional_Alison : Absolutely if something happened would he know what to do, he shouldn't be expected to. You could also say you are not prepared to put him I that position. Your son would indeed be emotionally affected if he were to witness a medical emergency. It is not something you would ever want a child to have to deal with at any vulnerable age.
professional_Alison : I would have to pass you over to the legal team for that answer but I would certainly voice your concerns and encourage your sons father to take his wishes into account.
professional_Alison : Do try and reach a happy
professional_Alison : Do try and emphasise that you both want what is best for your son.

Thank you. I am new to this site - could you tell me if I would need to pay again to speak to a legal team on this matter?

professional_Alison : Yes please accept my answer and I can then pass it over to the legal team.
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