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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My husband is a stay-at-home dad, and I am working, and gone

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My husband is a stay-at-home dad, and I am working, and gone for most of the day. We have two sons, 5 and 6 years old. Almost from the beginning my husband and I argued about television. I think you should go somewhere with children, or go outside, or read books, especially if there is one parent who doesn't work in the outside world, and we have a large backyard. However my husband thinks differently. He thinks children learn from television, and it helps them "relax". He switches the TV on before he wakes them up. They watch TV when they come home from school, during lunch, during dinner, and then until 10 PM when they finally fall asleep on the sofa. Essentially, they do nothing else but watching TV, and always on full blast. When I come home and try to play with them, they stare at the TV and don't even see anything else, and then refuse to stop watching. When I turn the TV off they start howling. The little one however comes to me often and cries about something violent he has seen on TV (in the evening they watch adult program) but my husband just says he needs to toughen up, he is so sensitive.

This isn't a happy marriage, and I will talk to a lawyer soon, however I am wondering if there is anything that I could do to stop this now. My husband says all the studies showing that lots of TV is not good for children are lying, other children watch even more, etc. My children sit several hours at a time, transfixed, and snack chips, so he is turning them into couch potatoes. Are there any gadgets that would record how long the TV is on? The TV company claims they cannot stop service because - while I am paying the bill - he is listed as recipient and they will not change anything without his consent. Is there a self help group for this? Any idea you have would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I am a Parenting Expert and Mentor and am here to help you by providing you with reflective insight and stimulating clarity.

There are several issues occurring in your life simultaneously and it is nonetheless very emotionally draining for anyone. As a working parent, you are doing all that you can to keep the household together. When it comes to your husband, he is using the television as a babysitter for the children. He is not having much meaningful interaction with them as they are at such an impressionable age. If they continue to sit around, watch tv, and snack on junk food, childhood obesity may become an issue if they are not getting adequate exercise.

Any professional involved with children will tell you that 1 to 2 hours of television per day is more than enough. However, most would tell you that one hour is enough. It is true that there are educational television shows on tv but not as many as in times past. Children are being exposed to many more inappropriate images on television...especially during the night time . Too much television will not do your children any good.

The next time that they have their yearly physical, see if you and your husband can attend. Mention the television issue. Your husband will hear the same facts about the dangers of too much television.

It sounds as though your husband is very strong willed. He seems to feel that his way is the correct way. He will not change his beliefs about the television issue. You cannot change him either. It is very sad that he refuses to spend quality time with the children. Maybe the demands of being a stay at home dad are overwhelming. Maybe he feels like a failure because he is not the primary money maker in the house. Maybe he misses intimacy between the two of you. Maybe having kids really was not in his plans. Maybe he feels trapped in the house.

Nonetheless, if you want to save the marriage then seek marital counseling. Your relationship will be very strained if you are not on the same accord with your husband with regards XXXXX XXXXX the children. That feature is a critical element toward having a peaceful home.

However, if you silly cannot take the relationship anymore because of whatever reason, then do what you think needs to be done. But children suffer during family break ups. So look at all your options carefully.

Anyway with regards XXXXX XXXXX television being monitored, you can contact our appliance/tv experts for further advice.

If you need further advice, let me know your thoughts.

Have an awesome day and stay encouraged. Your children still need you.

Thanks for allowing me to assist you.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.
Hello there, may I help you? I assisted you with a similar question a few weeks ago. You are in a very difficult situation working and knowing that your husband is caring for your children in an unsuitable way. I think you need to try and get the children into some after school clubs or perhaps with a child minder to break the cycle of spending so
much time in front of the television. It seems you have tried to show your husband the damage he is doing with inappropriate television and too much television. He seems blinkered to the fact he is not caring for them properly. If at all possible try and find some extra care outside of the family home.

If you have reached breaking point in your marriage now is the time to implement changes with your children's care so they can adjust and get used to playing and being active. Learning to be occupied without the use of the television.
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
professional_Alison and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello dear client. From your other posts in the legal category, I ascertain that your funds are limited as well as your time. Putting the children in the care of someone else will not solve the issue with your husband. That would only be running away from the issue. He is the main problem and that's the starting point. You must sit down with your husband and in a calm and non threatening manner and explain to him how you feel. Tell him your frustrations. Also tell him about your hopes and dreams and aspirations. Ask him what he sees himself doing in a year from now or five years from now. Tell him how his actions are affecting the children. Ask him how he feels about the children. Tell him that you feel like you can no longer live the way that you are living. Get a feel for his response. He may have no knowledge how to be a parent but may be willing to learn....but that is an uncertainty.

From your initial question, your husband almost seems like he is another child as well. He does not seem like an equal partner in the relationship. What is he doing to provide for the family? Is he actively involved in your children's lives? Would your life be better without him? Think about these questions. You are the proactive parent. So you are going to be the one to take action for your sanity and for the sake of the children.

What I would suggest is to make a list of the reasons to stay in the marriage and the reasons to leave the marriage. Weigh the options. Then make another list of things you could do to be happier in the marriage, if possible, and another list of suggestions for your husband. Then make a final list of what your life would be like without your husband. No need to tell your husband about your lists. You are only trying to sort out your thoughts. Revisit the lists and decide to do what you can live with without feeling regretful . Sometimes, time heals all wounds but you may have already invested too much valuable time.

Economic times are very challenging for single parents but are not impossible. I am not saying that is the route to take though. Seek online single parent support groups and get advice from how they cope.

I know that you feel like your life is crumbling. Your children are young. You have so much to offer them. You have reached a storm in your life and will soon pass.

I am expert Jordan1314. Please direct further inquiries to me if needed regarding my suggestions above. Thank you .
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.
Please feel free to contact me again if I can assist you further.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Glad to assist you. Thank you for the positive feedback. Request Jordan1314 anytime. I am here to serve YOU.

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