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earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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My daughter is 3 years and 5 months old. She gets hysterical

Resolved Question:

My daughter is 3 years and 5 months old. She gets hysterical when anyone including her mother, father or maid try to change her clothes. She used to resist a bit and cry a bit before but not like this. During last 6 weeks, her mother who was stay at home has started working. Also she has been living without me (her father) though I am with her this week. She seems upset about something deep within or she has been through some traumatic experience or is this just a phase -- these are the options that I can think of but have you come across something like this before? She does have a nanny who has been driving her to montessori and back over past few weeks. Her mother says that since I have come back she has been doing it more and that she has not sent it this bad before thought there was some of it. So is it a phase of life, something else? what is /could be the reason? What can be do to resolve it?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.

Good evening. How long, may I ask, have you been living without your daughter? Since her birth, or infancy? Or for not that long?

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
6 weeks
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.
Knowing that you have not been living with her for 6 weeks puts a whole new light on things. I definitely don't want to get too deep into your business, but the first thing that comes to my mind is that she is responding to you not being in the home with her anymore, as you have been for the only 3 years that she knows in life. Children have ways of letting us know that they do not approve of things; and this, I would say is her way of expressing her discontent with you no longer being in the home with her. I would suggest speaking with her (your daughter) about it. Ask her why she does that. I wouldn't ignore the feeling that you have, that there's something deeper within or she has been through some traumatic experience; ask her, or her mother (if necessary) about these ideas as well. It can be agreed by most, however, that a parent being taken out of one's life daily, who was once there daily, is traumatic enough for a 3 year old. I wish you the best!
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 4 years ago.
Hello there, may I help you? I would also like to add a few points. You have been out of your daughters life for the last six weeks, added to this her mother has gone back to work. Her world had been turned upside down and she is probably feeling very insecure. She is reacting to separation distress. Removal of her clothing is causing her to react as it is a small way she has of controlling a situation and expressing her feelings.

You need to sit down with your daughter and explain that just because you don't live with your daughter anymore you still love her and will still see her regularly. It may help to give her a special photo of Daddy she can have up in her room. It will also help if you phone her regularly on the days you don't see her to speak with her and keep the contact regular. This is a phase of behaviour which will pass once you child has adjusted to the changes in your family.

Please accept if I have answered you question.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you both of you for your response.
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 4 years ago.
Your more than welcome, please let me know if I can assist you further.
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.
You are welcome. I thank you for your patronage in return, and am willing that all goes well for you and your family.
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
earthsister and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  earthsister replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for taking the time to accept my answer. If there is anything else that I can help you with in the future, just message for earthsister. Have a fantastic day!