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professional_Alison
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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Hi alison.... seems to me that i have continual questions...

Resolved Question:

Hi alison.... seems to me that i have continual questions... my daughter who is a sole parent has a 13year daughter who has taken her car twice without my daughters knowledge, has posed as a volunteer for a charity and gone door to door collecting money, does not come home when asked and when found is often where she should not be. my daughter has tried placing stricter boundaries and consequences but she always gives into my granddaughter..how can i encourage her to stay strong...my granddaughter has come to the attention of the police and statuory child agency..i am really concerned for her
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.

professional_Alison :

Hello there, may I help you? Gosh this sounds like it could be spiralling. Your daughter may need to get in contact with a therapist or councellor as it seems your grand daughter may have some far deeper problems which are coming to light through her behaviour. Some of the things she has done are really serious and if she continues could get into serious trouble.

professional_Alison :

Its time for your daughter to take action here, go to the doctor and see if they will refer her for some councelling. In the meantime its time for your daughter to take action and explain the seriousness of what she is doing.

professional_Alison :

Do you think perhaps your granddaughter could benefit from staying with you for a week. Is she being influenced by the wrong crowd. Could your daughter direct her free time to something constructive.

professional_Alison :

Her time now needs to be controlled, if she can't be trusted to go out and be grown up and sensible with friends then she should not be allowed out unsupervised. She is still very young and vunerable. Your daughter really needs to law down the law before the police end up involved. Its great you are so caring about them,

professional_Alison :

Parenting Teenager by Bob Myers is available on Amazon and will be a useful read for your daughter to read.

professional_Alison :

It is going to be a tough few weeks ahead setting in place boundries which her daughter will highly disapprove of. It is most important to do this to keep her safe and stop her committing any more criminal offences.

Customer:

thanks alison as i said in my post the police are already involved and child services...my granddaughter has already been away to a junivelle residential service for 3 months...this does not appear to have had much affect on my granddaughter who has since taken my daughters car on returning from this residence. my daughter just gives into her. puts boundaries in place for a couple of weeks then lets them go...for examply she was driving her to and from school but has since stopped doing this which i think is too soon...my daughter just doesnt seem to get it.

Customer:

i am trying to encourage my daughter to use tough love principles

professional_Alison :

It's a good thing police are involved so she see's the seriousness of what happens when you break the law. My concern is that at 13 she will have been mixing with lots of older children in the juvenile centre that probably think they are big and clever, sending your grandaughter all the wrong messages.

professional_Alison :

She must stick to all boundarys she sets in place otherwise your grandaughter will not take her seriously. This is where you come in! Talk to her daily and give her the strength to continue keeping her on the straight and narrow.

Customer:

true that was our concern..i feel frustrated that my daughter cant see how manipulative my granddaughter is and gives into her

professional_Alison :

Give her your strength and positive encouragement that you can do this, and you are doing the right thing.

Customer:

how long should she keep strict boundaries in place

professional_Alison :

It must be very hard for her being a single parent so she will really rely on your support.

professional_Alison :

For at least 3 months considering the seriousness of what she has done.

Customer:

true but it is very tiring...i feel it is my daughters role to ensure that she keeps these boundaries in place and not enable my granddaughter to offend again

professional_Alison :

I wouldnt let her out of my sight for that time, I would only give her timy amounts of freedom back as and when she proves she can respect her Mother and others around her. For example she could have a friend over to the house but not go out after say 6 weeks.

professional_Alison :

Then she can have hour after school at a friends on the agreement that the girls parents knows she cant leave there house, she is taken there and picked up.

professional_Alison :

Your grandaughter has to know that your daughter is not going to back down this time.

Customer:

thank you for your conversation and suggestions....it has been helpful and made me feel stronger in my convictions that my daughter must keep these boundaries and consequences in place if there is to be any change for my granddaughter. i think that my daughter sometimes does not see the seriousness of this and actually enables her by not making my granddaugher responsible for her choices

professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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