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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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We have asked our 16 year old son to tell us where he will

Resolved Question:

We have asked our 16 year old son to tell us where he will be and who he will be with when he leaves our home. This evening, he left our home and said he might go get two other friends. He didn't say where they would be going or what they would be doing. For all I knew, they were going to play basketball in our driveway as they had been doing earlier. Turns out, they went to another neighbors to build a bonfire and chat. He came home before curfew and didn't seem to have been drinking or anything. When I asked where he was and reminded him of the rule, he said that was stupid. I think parents should know where their teens are, who they are with and what they are doing. How should I handle this situation? (I am tempted to lock him out of the house if he does this again.) Would that be over reacting?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Dr. Rossi :

Good Evening,

Dr. Rossi :

That may be too harsh of a consequence for the behavior in question.

Dr. Rossi :

As a teenager, he is going to be egocentric at this age. He will think that no one understands his worldview and that he's older and able to decide for himself.

Dr. Rossi :

If you approach this from a different angle that does not make him feel as thogh his view is invalidated or he's being controled, try to speak to him in a way that would want him to exibit responsible behaviors.

Dr. Rossi :

Let him know that you'd want to be able to trust him since he is getting older.

Dr. Rossi :

If you lock him out, that would be more of a punishment rather than a consequence. A punishment does not allow for the person to earn something back. A consequence may be you asking him to come home an hour early if he does not tell you where he is going to go the next time he's out.

Dr. Rossi :

Or, you may decide to take his cell phone for the day or other priviledges that he has.


That makes sense. Thanks for the suggestion. Good night!

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