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Howard Wise
Howard Wise, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience:  Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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I have a 9 year old daughter. Shes a good kid. As a parent

Resolved Question:

I have a 9 year old daughter. She's a good kid. As a parent I want to teach her the value of her work/ focused effort. I am concerned with children these days. I see so many with a false sense of self worth. Casualties of the "everybody gets a trophy" mentality.

Mind you I'm not particularly hard nosed, I just want to know that she's developing her necessary skills as she ages. we give her an allowance for chores and that is helping with her contributing. She's an ok student but works hard, if with prompting. But at her age I have yet to see her commit to something, and achieve on her own, say for the enjoyment of doing it. We do create a positive nurturing environment but I feel that somehow saps her own drive and motivation.

I have tried to encourage her play at soccer. She says she likes it but there's a lot of opportunity for growth. I had really hoped to make it a life lesson where she would see that if she dedicated herself, she could achieve, which I'm confident she could.

Often times though she resists extra practice or instruction. I guess that she's old enough so I asked her if she wanted to quit. She says no and I believe her. But that leaves her just being. She's mediocre enough that the other kids do notice. And I don't see a lesson in her treating her commitments so laissez fare. That leaves me stuck with no opportunity to help with a life-lesson that is valuable in my estimation.

Her other scheduled activities include: girl scouts, CCD, and tap dancing.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Howard Wise replied 2 years ago.
Good evening, this is Howard,

I appreciate your desire to instill what you consider to be important values in your daughter. My concern is that at age nine she may not be ready to learn the lessons you are hoping to teach her. I suggest that you give her more time to mature, and allow her to enjoy the many natural learning opportunities that present themselves to children her age.

Regarding soccer, I'm sure that your daughter understands that it is important to you that she participates in this sport. She may not enjoy playing soccer, because she is not doing very well in comparison to the other kids, however, she is reluctant to tell you that she wants to quit because she doesn't want to disappoint you. I suggest that you tell her that, because she is busy with Girl Scouts,CCD, and tap dancing, you're going to discontinue soccer for now. If she reacts to this with appointment you can reconsider your decision.

Please feel free to post a follow-up question if you like.
Howard Wise, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 650
Experience: Counseling with a compassionate ear and a loving heart.
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