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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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My wife is struggling to deal with our childrens needs and

Customer Question

My wife is struggling to deal with our children's needs and struggling to give consistant discipline, i dont blame her for this as it is an extremely challenging task but as I am at work a lot I am struggling to see what it is that i can do to help. It is critical that I find some support for my wife as i dont tink she is coping, what can we do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

CoachJenK :

how old are the kids and how many?

Customer:

Daughter 10, and Son 7

CoachJenK :

ok and what is she struggling with exactly in terms of responding to their needs? does your wife suffer from depression?

Customer:

sorry i am just on the phone to my mother

CoachJenK :

ok

Customer:

sorry i wont be long

CoachJenK :

no worries. I am here dont rush. hi to Mum!

Customer:

sorry i am done

CoachJenK :

ok.

Customer:

thank you for your patience

CoachJenK :

it sounds like your wife may be suffering from depression which is causing extreme overwhelm and difficulty in managing the kids

CoachJenK :

tell me a bit more

Customer:

My daughter called my wife upstairs to lie with her and my daughter was looking to have

CoachJenK :

to have what?

Customer:

sorry to have chat

Customer:

and my wife lost her temper with my daugter

CoachJenK :

and what happened? became frustrated, yelling?

Customer:

and shook her

Customer:

sorry my mom is on the phone again

Customer:

yes frustrated and yelling and shook her

CoachJenK :

it sounds that your wife is suffering from depression and she needs to be evaluated so that she can get the help she needs. Do you feel your kids are in danger fro m her when you are not there?

Customer:

no one is physically hurt but my daughter got a fright and so did my son and i

CoachJenK :

yes I imagine so as it seems out of character.

Customer:

my wife is curled up behind a chair at the moment asleep

CoachJenK :

Are you comfortable to get your wife into therapy and have her evaluated?

CoachJenK :

if she is depressed even the slightest things can feel overwhelming

Customer:

I have been trying to get her into therapy for some time

CoachJenK :

and she is resistant why?

Customer:

i believe she is afraid of it as it is frowned apon in the irish community

CoachJenK :

I understand that from the cultural perspective but it doesnt need to be advertised. it sounds to me like there really is no other choice here. She is suffering and so is the family and depression and anxiety effects the whole family not just the person who is suffering.

Customer:

I will happily do it

Customer:

How do i convince her to go?

CoachJenK :

yes you sound very willing and open and I commend you for that. It really isnt a choice but rather a necessity and can you impress that upon her?

Customer:

I will be speaking to her first thing in the mornoing

Customer:

morning

CoachJenK :

by telling her that the whole family is suffering and things need to change and it is not her fault...she deserves to feel better and can. nobosy else will be told if that is what she desires

CoachJenK :

does that feel manageable?

Customer:

She point blank refuses to go for help

CoachJenK :

she must go because it is effecting everyone

Customer:

I have been trying for a long time (a few years)

CoachJenK :

she is scared and that is understandable...go with her initially to make her feel more comfortable

Customer:

yes I think that we all need to go and see someone

CoachJenK :

then that is how you tell her and if she wont go please go yourself and with the kids

CoachJenK :

you need the support too...as I said it effects the whole family

Customer:

yes thank you

Customer:

if she is depressed and wont get help how do i deal with it

CoachJenK :

that is why you need the support too so you can figure out what works for you and how you can proceed in the marriage

Customer:

yeah

CoachJenK :

you want the marriage, yes?

CoachJenK :

but it is not working well because of this?

Customer:

yes but i dont want the fighting anymore, i have seen enough pain without it in my home

CoachJenK :

ok well then you can also say that to her and how she needs to get the help and you will go together

CoachJenK :

that is the place to work from then

Customer:

i will try that again

CoachJenK :

i know you have tried before but be consistent...we must do this in order for the marriage to work and the family to stay together

Customer:

ok thank you

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. let me know how you are doing. come back for more support if needed.

Customer:

ok thank you, XXXXX XXXXX now

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1723
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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