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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3205
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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How can I get more socialization for my 12 year old? He

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How can I get more socialization for my 12 year old? He doesn't want to go to boy scouts because he has hours of homework. There is clubs after school. I think he goes to chess club. He has one friend that comes over once in a while. We don't have a playroom. He takes private tennis lessons every week.

He was teased in elementary school for being socially awkward so he doesn't really want to invest in relationships I been told.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 5 years ago.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? Your son is at an age where friendships and socialisation are very important. Is there a new hobby or interest he would like to Persue? This could provide a perfect opportunity to make new friends. If he has a particular friend over regularly perhaps ask if there is anyone else he would like to ask over. How about taking a friend bowling at the weekend? Ask him of there are any after school clubs he would like to do. I understand the pressure of homework can be hard when your young but there needs to be a balance between work and play. Do you think perhaps your son just doesn't want to go to scouts any longer. Try to have a positive conversation about other clubs he may like to do. Then make a suggestion about having a friend over to do something at the weekend. I think if handled correctly your son will like the idea of making a decision for himself about a club or interst he would like to try. Please let me know if I can help you further.
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
Hi.
I believe what the above expert has said is a fine answer but I have a bit of a different view.

You mention that he was teased in elementary school because of being socially awkward...this seems to be the root cause for his current feelings and behaviors.
He displays more comfort being alone which is protecting himself from further teasing, bullying and feelings of shame.

He feels more comfortable staying home doing his homework, taking a private tennis lesson or spending time with this one friend....that is where he feels most safe. The other environments, clubs, boy scouts, etc may be too overwhelming for him based on his past experiences of being teased.

I think he could benefit from some professional short term counseling to get to his feelings about this event and how it may be continuing to affect him. He might do quite well with some short term support to have an outlet for his feelings. He can then begin to explore things that he finds enjoyable. But unless he can truly understand his fears about being teased in the past, I don't believe finding him more clubs right now will have it be any different for him.

Please let me know your thoughts and we can continue our conversation.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3205
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
TherapistJen and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I agree but I think he would just look at the counselor. He is not a big talker to people he does know. He really is just a science kid so I think he might grow out of it. He isn't geeky any more. He is tall and handsome.

I do let his 13 year old cousin and family come for all holidays and stay a week every holiday. they go on vacation with us too.

Expert:  professional_Alison replied 5 years ago.
Perhaps as you say your son is just a quiet child, if he likes science this could be an activity to explore further. Someone his own age to spend time with in the holidays is a great idea. You sound as if you have a good understanding of your sons situation right now and with your continued support I am sure he will grow in confidence into a confident young man. Good luck. If I have answered your question please accept.
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
professional_Alison and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
Yes counseling for a boy that age isn't always the easiest and finding someone who specializes in adolescence can be helpful. but I do agree he may just look at the therapist for a bit until he gains some comfort, but on the other hand he just may feel relief to be somewhere where he can be himself.

I would let him continue to cultivate his love of science and find activities around that which will allow him to connect with others around it.

He sounds like a wonderful kid. Let me know how else i can help you at any time. He does not have to go to therapy at all if you don't believe he will benefit from it. I do like that you mentioned the science....those are the activities where he might feel free to be himself and he could just be somewhat of a shy and more introverted person as well. That is okay too. Either way you can observe for a bit more and make a decision as to what works best for your son as you truly know him the best.
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3205
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
TherapistJen and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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