How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i have a 14 year old daughter and been living with my partner

Resolved Question:

i have a 14 year old daughter and been living with my partner since she was 8 years old, she has never got on with him.
Things have taken a turn for the worse, my daughter was out and did not come back in the evening so as a punishment I contacted her birth father to collect her. My partner had siad he had had enough and statred emptying her contents from her bedroom.we argued and I agreed that I would be firmer with my daughter.
Neither of them speak to each other when my partner comes home form work my daughter will go to her bedroom.
my daughters birth father has just moved into a new home with his new partner who has three children one who is the same age sex as my daughter and they have a good relationship, my daughter has said that its normal at her dads house and that it is not normal here, she refuses to tal to my partner and he has aid he has given up and doesnt want anything to do with her. I feel that I am having to choose and it is starting to make me feel very down

I have shared care of my daughter one week on one week off This was my choice as I felt it was important that my daughter had a positive relatuonship with her birth father.

I reallt dont know what to do
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is a tough situation to find yourself in, having to choose between your life partner and your daughter. It should never been that way once these are two different relationships which should not conflict one with the other.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Your partner has been living with you since she was 8, then there is no way for him as an adult and life partner to justify not having the time, means, conditions and responsibility to build a healthy relationship with a child based on mutual respect, empathy, understanding and support, areal parent-child relationship.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.
What Happens Now?

Your chat has ended, but you can still work with your Expert to get an answer to your question if you have not yet received one.

Come back to this page at any time to see additional information from your Expert.  You will also receive an email when your question is updated.  If you want to send a message to your Expert, use the box below.

If you have already received a satisfactory answer to your question, click the Accept button above.  Experts are credited for each accepted answer they provide.
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.
Only in those cases where the biological mother happens to codependently enable the opposite, not allowing this healthy relationship to develop, taking away the authority and respect the step-father needs and deserves to have, then in those cases scenarios like this one are easily to develop. But if that has not been the case, he is accountable for not working hard enough to build a healthy if not intimate relationship with his step-daughter. You are a family and I imagine that when you started your formal relationship, you both were clear you were not going to live as boyfriend-girlfriend but as adult life partners taking the responsibilities you needed and wanted to take, specially the one of raising your daughter. If this was in fact the case, he is the one who needs to be confronted here about lack of commitment, consistency and accountability.

She was a child and now is an adolescent and he would need to gain her respect and trust with your support, otherwise it would not work. She has a biological father, and that’s a concrete factor impacting on dynamics like this but, it shouldn’t justify his passivity and lack of responsibility of the role he had to play here as a real life partner and step-father.

Please dialogue with him and confront these behaviors for you to see how insightful and accountable he happens to be and if he is willing or not to work on it as necessary for you to decide what you would need to do. If he does not know how to make it work, then he would need to get parenting classes or individual counseling to work on it, plus family-couples sessions for the best results to be achieved.

I hope it helps.

Thank you for your trust,

Rafael M.T. – Professional Integral & Transpersonal Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered