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professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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Hello. My 7 year old has a tendency to break things; he always

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Hello. My 7 year old has a tendency to break things; he always says that it was an accident and I see him feeling badly about it when this happens but my husband feels that in fact he is fearful about getting into trouble for breaking it verses that he is feel remorse. My husband and I are of two opinions when it comes to these matters. I feel that it is a lack of motor skills that causes him to break things and my husband feels that he breaks things when he is not able to play with things the way his brothers are able to play with it. He feels that he breaks things so that the other boys cannot play with it. I see way too much remorse from him when he breaks things to believe that he does this maliciously...I feel that at 7 years old their motors skills are still developing and that he truly breaks things because of this and I often suggest that my husband put away items that he does not way him to touch...he feels that he should not have to put his things away because the child should accept responsibility and know not to touch/break things. This issue causes allot of problems because we are of such opposite opinions.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.
Everything you say about developing motor skills is true. There is also a lot of brain development going on at his age. Possible the most important one in this situation is executive function. This is the ability to control impulses, think before acting, and project into the future, what might happen and what the consequences could be. Some kids are still struggling with this part of development into their late teens. I agree that kids need to take responsibility for their actions, but you also can be disappointed when a child does use a skill they haven't developed yet. I don't know that my opinion will have much influence on your husband's thinking on this issue, but it does seem reasonable to me to put more valuable and prized possessions away until your son can stop and think a bit better. Working at being able to anticipate outcomes might also help your son.
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 4 years ago.

Hello there, may I help you?


It would be a good idea to observe your child in a situation where he breaks something to see if you think it was deliberate or an accident. As Kansas therapist pointed out it may be down to motor skills, but it may be that there is a developmental problem with his motor skills and it would be a good idea to get him an assessment check.


His reaction to breaking things sounds as if he is very remorseful and doesn't intend to cause upset and damage. If you can sit back and witness a particular occasion when this occurs it may help you to decide what the problem is and how to deal with it.


This is an interesting article which offers some good advice and information.


Most importantly you and your husband need to work together here to help your son so you need to sit down together and decide a away forward which you both agree on.


I hope I have helped answer your question, please accept if you are happy with my answer.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for your reply. I think that the comments were very helpful for my husband. He says that he appreciates your comments and that he realizes that his thoughts in this matter may need allot of adjustment. He comments that this is what he was used to in his up bringing. I do often notice that when people praise my husband that he tends to take the praise at 50% of his worth but when someone critiques him that he takes that at 150% of it's worth. Could this be generated from his childhood if this is the way he parents dealt with him. We both a agree that there is a bit of an issue with his self esteem. Can you comment on this and perhaps make a recommendation for a book or other that he could read.
We also appreciate the article.
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 4 years ago.

yes I completely agree with what you say, self esteem in built upon during childhood, and this in turn could be affecting your son and his self esteem as he grows and develops. I think your husband needs to recognise his value to your sons upbringing too! Fathers play a very important role too!


This is an excellent book for your husband to read available from Amazon, Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Dr Melanie Fennell. Alternatively How to Raise Your Self-esteem by Nathaniel also from Amazon, I really hope this helps and your husband should be praised from recognising this problem and asking for help with it.

Expert:  professional_Alison replied 4 years ago.
If you are happy with my answer please accept.
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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