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My friend just called to tell me my 11 year old son told her

Answered by:professional_Alison
Child Care
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Accepted Answers: 77

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Customer Question

My friend just called to tell me my 11 year old son told her 9 year old son he was homosexual. He also allegedly undid his trousers and pushed his groin toward her sons face and suggested they watch a film in their underwear. Obviously I am concerned as to how to deal with this. He is currently with grandparents for a couple of nights but my husband and I obviously want to make sure we approach this correctly. We also have a 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter.

Already Tried:
Nothing done so far. Found this out last night and son is away for 2x nights

Submitted: 357 days and 14 hours ago.

Category: Parenting

Value: £11

Status: CLOSED

Accepted Answer

Expert: professional_Alison replied 357 days and 14 hours ago.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you?

professional_Alison : This is a very delicate subject, your son is at a very delicate age and feelings and emotions can often get confused. You need to talk to your son and let him know that if he has feelings towards another male or female it is normal and ok but it is not ok to expose himself to anyone nor should he make appropriate suggestions of watching a film in his underweR

professional_Alison : You don't want to embarrass him about his feelings but equally he has to learn what is acceptable with his friends and how to express his feelings . Let him know you are there if he needs to talk at any time.

professional_Alison : He will probably feel very uncomfortable having this conversation so handle it gently and with sensitivity.

professional_Alison : You should also feedback to your friend and reassure her you have dealt with the situation.

professional_Alison : I hope this has helped please let me know if I can help you further.

professional_Alison : Please click accept of I have answered your question.

Customer : Is this normal behaviour though? I totally think it's unacceptable and luckily my friend thinks he's experimenting but I am so concerned thatbsomeone may have done similar to him. He is not an overtly "wordly" little boy - I would describe him as innocent which is why this is all the more shocking...

Customer : I am going over the lack of restrictions on our computer, him playing on iPad, his friendships, school taunts of "being gay" - which I brushed off as typical horrid little boys, obviously the main concern is whether someone has suggested the same to him and moving on our other children.... Thanks for your advice it is much appreciated!!!

professional_Alison : It is not uncommon for children to behave inappropriately when there are mixed feelings and hormones involved. It's important not to get angry with him, you want him to talk to you but as your friend says he is experimenting, and the behaviour he demonstrated is not acceptable. You can ask open questions without leading the answer like what made you ask him to watch a film on jos underwear rather than if someone had asked him to do the same. Plan what you are going to say before you sit down with him. Allow him to explain himself and don't react if you don't like what you hear. Stay calm and allow him a chance to talk about what he has been feeling. If he is not very worldly as you say he may be feeling very confused and in need of help and support.

professional_Alison : Children can be very cruel and all you can do is let him know that however he feels and develops in later life that you love him very much and accept him for who he is.

Customer : Thank you so much. Will follow your advice and fingers crossed all will turn out fine. Thank you.,

professional_Alison : Please feel free to contact me again if I can help you further. Please accept if I have answered your question.

Expert Type	Child Care
Category:	Parenting
Pos. Feedback:	94.7 %
Accepts:	77
Answered:	4/13/2012

Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

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