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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I hate my dad. Hes abusive but i dont have enough money to

Customer Question

I hate my dad. He's abusive but i don't have enough money to move out. What can i do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? Have you tried talking to him about how you feel and letting him know you are unhappy. Try to find a compromise on both your parts that will helP solve this problem for you.
professional_Alison : Parents dont always things right even when they try their best. It may. E worth writing him a letter about how you are feeling if you think it may be hard to talk to him.
professional_Alison : The most important thing is to deal with problems before they become to big, you need to work together to improve your relationship .
professional_Alison : Your dad may not be aware of how you are feeling and the only way to solve this is to be brave and be honest about your feelings .
professional_Alison : Good luck and let me know if I can assist you further.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and you for consulting Just Answer. What I ascertain from your brief description is the relationship with you and your dad is not on good terms. How long have you felt this way about your dad? Did something trigger your negative feelings? About how old are you? What would a perfect relationship look like with your dad? Does your mom live with you as well? Are you upset with the boundaries that your dad has imposed on you while living in the house? Please let me know and direct the answers to Jordan1314 so that I can assist you with your specific concerns. Have an awesome day.
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 2 years ago.
Can I help you further?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello dear client. I will address some issues that will give you clarification as well as insight. If you are a minor and suffering any type of abuse, call the Department of Child and Family Services to seek assistance. If you are too reticent to call yourself, contact your school psychologist and confide in him or her. He or she can make the call for you.

Because your father has an abusive temperament and nature, you may want to talk to him in person in the company of another family member even if you are an adult. You may want to address unresolved issues of the past by telling your father that you forgive him and want to move forward. If past issues are too painful to address, then do not bring them up. Start from what you can work on today.

Writing a letter is too impersonal especially because you live in the same house. If you do plan to remain in the house, tell your father what you would like the features of your relationship to be without attacking his ways. Then ask your father what he can do to improve the relationship. If he does not want to improve the relationship and does not seem to care, seek the assistance of a professional counselor who can provide you with intervention and coping strategies in dealing with your dad.

Although I am not a legal expert, if you are an adult then you may want to contact your local law enforcement agency if the abuse is violent and you are in fear for your safety.

Unfortunately, your choices are limited. Can you go live with a close friend or other family member? That may be an option.

If none of the above mentioned ideas seem feasible, seek employment if you do not already have a job, save up money, and move out with a close friend.

If the relationship is too toxic and your dad refuses to change, you have no other choice but to leave once you have the financial resources.

I truly wish you the best in whatever route you select.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I just started feeling this way because i am at home all day and i hate living with him. I want to move out but can't really afford. Right now i'm looking for a job.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
About how old are you...if you do not mind answering?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
27
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
It sounds as though you and your dad are simply at odds and it is time to leave the nest as soon as you find employment and get a roommate to share the expenses. Keep yourself busy in the meantime by volunteering in any area that interests you. You can never change your dad. He must want to change. It sounds as though he is set in his ways. His stubbornness will only continue to cause friction no matter what you say or do. For your own sanity, you have no choice but to move out. If you have a close friend that you can stay with until you get a job, then try that. What about any siblings or other relatives? Would they be willing to take you in temporarily? Exhaust all of your alternatives. You are an adult so take your time and make a wise decision. You may also want to seek career counseling to set you on the right track. Whatever you do, never give up. The power is within you!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Right now may not be the time to try to heal the relationship with your dad. Time and space often heals wounds. Believe in yourself. You seem to have the motivation to succeed!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes i think the best option is to just move out. Luckily last night he said that he doesn't hate me. It's just his character. My childhood wasn't that good that's why i am not that smart.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
What a great sign that your dad does not hate you! Leave the past in the past and look forward to the future. You are still so young and have many opportunities awaiting you.

:)
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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