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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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I have a 19 year old daughter whose only job is to clean the

Resolved Question:

I have a 19 year old daughter whose only job is to clean the bathroom once a week. And every week its a fight on why it can get done on time. She goes to Jr. College and has a part time job. She has Fridays off from school. There is no reason why it can not be done once a week? How do I get her to do this without a fight every week. She is also very disrespectful but I just chalk that up to being 19. Other than that she is a great child. Am I being to petty with this.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Petty? Not at all. If she is living with you, you deserve the respect for yourself and your home. That is her responsibility and she can either do it or live somewhere else? You are helping her to become a productive adult and show respect for others wishes. I don't see that your wishes are unreasonable at all. She is luck that is all you require to do around the house she lives in.

CoachJenK :

*lucky

Customer:

Thats what I though

CoachJenK :

you are on target Mom!

CoachJenK :

hard to set the boundaries, I know but you can do it.

Customer:

Im a dad but ok

CoachJenK :

oh so sorry Dad. Let me rephrase that. you are on target Dad!

Customer:

Thank you

CoachJenK :

forget the reasoning...these are your rules.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

reasoning hasnt worked and she probably just wears you down. So, sit her down let her know these are the rules and requirements and it is up to her to hold up her end of what is required in your home.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

you can also let her know that you are growing tired of the disrespect and set a boundary around that too. At 19 she should be past those adolescent struggles a bit

Customer:

thank you

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. Let me know if i can help you with anything else. You can always come back and request me. Please click accept if I have been helpful.

Customer:

One last question. How do I set a boundry around disrespect if she just choses not to do it.

CoachJenK :

doesnt have to be your last question by the way....

Customer:

And yes we have sat down and talk about this calm and cool she agrees at the time and then it does not happen

CoachJenK :

She is living quite comfortable under your roof and attending college. I would have a sit down talk with her...not in anger but in love and let her know how you feel when she disrespects you. Once you have done that be very clear on what you want from her....clean the bathroom once per week, speak to you in a manner that shows disresepct

CoachJenK :

ok and what priveleges do you extend to her? money, car, home, you tell me

Customer:

Money mostly

CoachJenK :

bingo!

Customer:

go on

CoachJenK :

you can let her know that if she doesnt show the respect that you are asking for bye bye money

Customer:

I try that aand guess what. I always give in. Sucker

CoachJenK :

and then you must follow through with it

CoachJenK :

EXACTLY

CoachJenK :

I knew it!

CoachJenK :

not sucker loving DAD

Customer:

Thats my problem no follow through. And I know that. It hurts. LOL

CoachJenK :

I truly get it! I am a Mom and they work us good but think of it that you are helping her in her adult relationships!

CoachJenK :

she knows she doesnt have to follow through because you give in. Time to get tough

Customer:

Ok I will do it tonight. We will have a conversation and I will stick to my guns. You are right. Thank you so much. I found you by accident how do I get up with you again.

CoachJenK :

Excellent. I am proud of you and I am sorry I assumed you were a Mom. You are a very loving Dad. When you want me again at the beginning of a new question put for CoachJenK only at the beginning. Come back to www.JustAnswer.com

Customer:

You have been a great help. Money well spent have a great day and you will be hearing from me soon. Thank you

CoachJenK :

wonderful. Thank you for that kind feed back. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
You hanging tough Dad and following through? :-)
Just checking in on you to see how you are doing.
Jen
CoachJenK

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