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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 235
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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my dughter is 13, every time I ask her somethig she think that

Customer Question

my dughter is 13, every time I ask her somethig she think that I am critisazing and she will get upset whqt ever I say. Because of this she has low self esteem. What can I do to help? If I say that she is doing well she is not believing me, if I say the she can do things better she gets upset???
confused mum
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 2 years ago.

Heidi LPC :

Good Morning! I am hoping to be of some assistance to you today!! It sounds as if not only are you raising a teen, (which is challenging in it's own right!!), you are also dealing with a child who has some issues with self-confidence and quite possibly some issues with attention and focus as well. It sounds as if her school is already on-board with getting her some help academically, which is good because you need her to feel comfortable asking you for help and that she will feel supported by you, but not criticized.

Heidi LPC :

Sometimes, a teen needs space to sort things out on their own and to experience the natural consequences to their mistakes in order to become motivated to do better. This means letting her do things her way, feeling the outcome when it goes wrong, and then have your support as she absorbs it. They need to feel that we are their biggest fans as opposed to their toughest critics. It is very, very hard to stand by and watch them make mistakes--- I know! And, even tougher to not say "I told you so!" when they fail! Yet, to be able to turn around and have a loving parent just waiting to offer support when they need it is priceless.

Heidi LPC :

I have found success with offering a reward for the desired behavior, and in my case (my youngest son just turned 14 last week), he hasn't earned it yet, but knows the offer is there. We are hoping this semester will be the one! As long as your child's school is giving her support, she needs you to help motivate her, love her and help her... and to be there for her. She may not always act as if she appreciates it, but I guarantee that she needs yourr support!

Customer :

She is very bright, so she is not stugguling in school, wqnd teqdhers think she is doing well as she is quiet. The reason I am concern is that she does not believ in herself that she can do better and she was then moved lasxt year to lower group (top second) and her work is stagnating. all her other friends are progressing and she now beliveves that she is not good enoguh - but she is. School is just saying that they will encourage her, but I don't see anything and she is saying that they are just telling her that she is doing well - but in 2 terms she did not progress any level.When I try to help her at home, she gets upset. I think this is more the frustration what is happening with her, then being upset with me, but it's easier to get out on me. I do wait for her to calm down, but after she doesn't want to go over her work to improve it, she sais that this is good and she is happy, but really it isn't

Heidi LPC :

Have there been any other changes? New friends? Physical or emotional changes, or any signs of depression? Is she happy while at school? Does she socialize regularly with friends?

Heidi LPC :

Well, I see that you are offline now... so hopefully, when you come back we can continue our chat!! I will await your return, and I wish you the best!

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