I can see why you feel this concerned.
I do totally support your approach of things about this specific scenario.
Allowing him to keep things he took without taking responsibility about it and changing his behavior just does not help but enables him.
How do I get on the same page with my ex husband.
When both parents are not implementing the same approach and disciplienm, that creates a bigger issue fueling further conflict with child and not allowing a healthy solution. You need to confront him about it, set new boundaries and if he does not show willingness to change...
you would need to consider further actions.
You both share equal custody?
no he has custody
He is the only one with total custody you mean?
The behaviors your son is presenting are serious enough to justify professional intervention.
To allow things to keep the way they are would lead your son to self-destroy his present and future and to get involved in much more serious issues, at the personal, family and legal levels.
In case you have no custody at all you could gat legal support in order to request the Family &Children Court to consider giving you custody rights after considering the neglect and enabling of dysfunctional and illegal behaviors by his father. But all would depend on what you truly want to afford here.
What I know and alert here is how things could evolve if somebody does not intervene here getting the right support for your son.
Sooner or later people would start finding out about this and other potential issues and he would get into a much more complicated scenario, and I do not think you neither his father would want to deal with that. He does need help and it must happen ASAP.
Please contact me for any further clarification-support.