How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask MaryA. Your Own Question

MaryA.
MaryA., Teacher, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience:  10+ years as a teacher, mother to a teen and 8 year old
9981143
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
MaryA. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My son didnt kill himself , not take his life, but in a way

Customer Question

My son didn't kill himself , not take his life, but in a way he did, he waked out on everything that would have given him a decent start at independence. Over the past four years he was unable to accomplish anything he tried - high school, magnet Aeorspace school, Florida Virtual School, Home School, he refused to let me teach him, Adult High School, GED classes, Drivers Ed, and getting a learners driving permit, not any of those. He tried but never was able to succeed. Finally we told him that he can not continue like he had been, that he had to go into the Job Corp, They are an excellent program for high school diploma, GED, and Drivers License, also they teach many trades. He was already accepted into the computer tec class and had taken the test for it. There are hundreds on a waiting list, but we know the teacher and he was already in. Instead, he left , ran away if a 20 year old can be called a run a way, the Saturday before the Monday he was to have the appointment with the Job corps. We never dreamed he could be so stupid. He went to live with his best pal since middle school, who is the biggest do-nothing kid we know. He plans to live with him and his dad, and work in his friend's father's restaurant. Four years of putting off doing everything that he needs to do just to get his life started, and he leaves to work in a pizza shop. Unbelievable. That he left, sneaking out, and allowed me to wake up that morning to call him and him not be there - that betrayal of trust was the worst thing of all for me. I had believed that we had a more honest and trusting relationship than than. He had come to me with his fears, of the failures, of his ability, about his health, many things, and we talked things over. We seemed to be on the same page most of the time. His leaving like he did was a stun gun to me and his dad both. I guess I did feel like the son I knew, had raised from a baby of 3 days old, was gone , had died, where did he go. I cried for weeks, still do sometimes, couldn't go into his room without crying, not that he left but how he left and what he left behind of his life - his family, his beloved dogs, his beloved computer, that he had built himself, and everything - clothes, shoes, books, books he treasures. Worse, he left his room one holy mess, filthy, knowing how much work I have to do already from the horrible mess left behind from his sibs. I feel so betrayed. He did send some emails but I can't read them, and called but I just refused to answer the phone, too too painful for me, in any case , there is nothing more to be said, Everything already has been many times. I had to protect myself for more hurt so I had to shut that door to him. Was he terrified of another failure ? Was he so depressed that he had no choice but to sneak away ? Most likely.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  MaryA. replied 2 years ago.

MaryA. :

I am so sorry you are going through this. In a way it does sound like your son is depressed and/or is suffering from depression. He is also at an age in his life where he wants to be independent. The way that he is going about it may not be appropriate right now, and it is alright if you do not agree with it, but he does need to find his own way. I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor or therapist yourself, so that you will be better able to deal with your son running away and know how to respond to him when he does call or if he comes to visit. If communication between you and him get any better I would suggest that he also goes to therapy and eventually, you may have to go together. I hope everything works out.

Customer :

I don't know how this got into parenting, it was sent , I though, to mental health and the mental health councelor who had been working with us, Elliott Sewell. If you are able , somehow I don't know, how , can you refer this back to him ? I am very aware that we can use some emotional comfort and help at this point, but as a parent, kids need to be taught that life is too short to make all your own mistakes or you end up living a life of continual distress from all the mistakes that keep being made. I have raised 3 generations so I have some practical knowledge about what works and what does not, at least a little. I suggest he goes into therapy also but he has no funds, no money, no insurance, and wouldn't have the least idea of how to even if he were willing. Thank you but this was not meant for parenting .

MaryA. :

I will see if I can send it back. Hope everything works out!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    19
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
MaryA.
MaryA.
Teacher, Parent
5 Satisfied Customers
10+ years as a teacher, mother to a teen and 8 year old