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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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are you still here? I answered your questions about 20 or more

Customer Question

are you still here? I answered your questions about 20 or more minutes ago
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.

Rafael Morales Toia :


Rafael Morales Toia :

I was waiting to see if we could interact through chat. Once I did not see you engaging in chat, I decided to respond your question. Time it takes to get answers also depends on how well the system happens to work. I am here for further clarification if you are willing to chat.

Rafael Morales Toia :

I see you are not online. Please feel free to contact me for any further clarification. Thank you.

Rafael Morales Toia :

Hello, would you like to chat now?

Rafael Morales Toia :

I am here willing to support you.

Rafael Morales Toia :


Rafael Morales Toia :

Perhaps you did not receive my response. I will post it here again. Please if you want to chat just enter the chat. Thanks.

Rafael Morales Toia :

First you would need to identify the root of this behavior. If it has been and old issue or a recent one. What is leading to it? What triggers it? Many times young people get disrespectful when angry, and being that anger is not a core feeling but the expression of sadness, frustration, fear and other feelings, it could be anything what is leading to such behavior.

Regardless the origin, any abusive language-behavior is not acceptable and must be confronted. You confront the abusive behavior not the person, try to offer understanding after setting a boundary. Dialogue and ask him to share with you what is it that is making feel that upset or frustrated. Be patient and supportive, that would increase your chances for him to open up. If that does not happen, you would still make it clear such behavior is unacceptable, that he needs to be respectful and find healthy ways to vent his feelings. In case he does not comply you would have to implement a consistent consequence for him to change it. Then every time it happens, you immediate confront the behavior, give him a chance to apologize and vent and if with no result, you apply the previously defined consequence.

He is already old enough to distinguish what ifs ok and what is wrong, so he must be clear about the core rules for him to continue being under the same roof receiving the affection, caring and support you offer to him. He needs to be accountable and grateful about that, otherwise it would be unhealthy to keep supporting him when he is not willing to even respect you.

When things calm down do your best trying to share with him and find out what is bothering him, being empathic and offering support. The family as a whole should share for it to create a healthy and pleasant environment for young adult children.

In case things escalate, professional counseling should be considered.

Then there is a chronic issue here and it is essential to find out what it is. Discipline is necessary including setting healthy and clear boundaries, but to find core issue-s leading to such behavior is important too. An unacceptable behavior must not be tolerated, even more if it is about abuse towards a parent. Please consider previous recommendations.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I asked you about my adopted son's using foul language. You asked me how old he was when I adopted him and how long it has been going on. I said age 9 and several years.. That was a while ago

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your long answer, although I have been consistently applying a negative consequence (a fine) which unfortunately is not working.


My first concern, however, is I seem to have started this under the wrong screenname

Under this one, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, I have unlimited questions.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.
Hope feedback provided helps in some way.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hello. Did you get my message that this is my justanswer account xxxxxxxxxxxx on which I have unlimited questions
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.

I understand you have unlimited question but this interface is limited to concrete questions-answer.


If you have more questions please file a new request for a new answer.



Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Since it is the same person that is doing this, I think you should get reimbursed from my unlimited answers account under, as I said, xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.
Sorry but I do not understand what you mean. If you feel satisfied with my responses just accept them. In case you don't, I hope you find the support you need through other experts' assistance.

Thank you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I think I figured out how to do this. I'll ask you a pro forma question from my other screenname and I'll accept your short answer.


How can I get you when I log into justanswer in a few minutes?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.
Just direct your question directly to me. (Set my name in your request for me to know you want me to reply).

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I asked for you on my account id XXXXXXXXXXXX about 15 minutes ago,


Can you send me an email with a one word answer to:


Should I administer the negative consequence totally consistently?

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 4 years ago.
Please accept answer I provided if you feel satisfied with it. if you want further support just present a new question instead of keeping the initial one open.

My response to this question is for you to be totally consistent with implementing consequences in accordance to rules.


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