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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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hello. Ive just discovered my 15 year old daughter has been

Resolved Question:

hello. I've just discovered my 15 year old daughter has been chatting with someone on facebook and has been making arrangements to meet with him. I discovered because she left herself logged on on my machine and I read her messages. This person seems really unstable and at one point says he'd like to kill someone and then talks about getting put into prison so he can kill his father. She was clearly trying to appease him, but I don't think she has any idea how dangerous this is (despite being taught at school about cyberstalking, etc) I can't believe she's done this -she's really bright, mature and sensible. I don't know how to tackle this..can you help?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Rafael Morales Toia :

This is very serious and alarming but not uncommon.

Rafael Morales Toia :

You are absolutely right about being worried for her well-being and integrity since exposing to such a stranger when openly revealing all those destructive situations is never good.

Rafael Morales Toia :

I recommend you being just plain honest with her about how you happen to read about it, apologize and express your deep concern about it.

Rafael Morales Toia :

She is a minor and you are accountable for her integrity, so boundaries need to be set about what is and what is not acceptable around relationship, sharing and doing online.

Rafael Morales Toia :

Without open communication and trust there is no way a parent could support a child, especially at this age when many challenges do appear and no matter how smart an adolescent could be, that would mean nothing when facing real life challenges which require life experience and much more assertiveness and adult good judgment.

Rafael Morales Toia :

Use this situation to work on developing a better and loser communication with your daughter so you could become a better supporter and help her when facing challenging or risky situations.


I hope this helps.

Customer:

I did discuss this with her recently when I noticed she had had some correspondence on tumblr with an unknown person, with the reult that she unfriended me from her facebook.. You're right that I have to get tough, but how?

Rafael Morales Toia :

Absolutely!

Customer:

it's true that she's always been secretive about this kind of thing, and i can't find a way of getting in - she's open in other ways, but not this

Rafael Morales Toia :

You are accountable for her integrity and she must be responsible for her actions since she is old enough to understand what is ok and what is not. New boundaries need to be set .

Rafael Morales Toia :

One thing is normal privacy a parent must respect, but the use of technology for activities like this is unacceptable, just as you would not agree for her to meet older people behind your back, even more if they happen to be strangers, adults, and even worse with unacceptable or illegal tendencies-behaviors- or mental disorders

Rafael Morales Toia :

Teenagers and parents need to be clear about limits and boundaries so they could implement the right ones whole respecting children privacy. Remember, they must be accountable for their actions and you too for the way you take care of their integrity. If she uses technology in ways that are unacceptable exposing herself to risky situation like this, then she should not be allowed to such benefit once she shows no accountability and maturity for a sound use of it.

Customer:

ok so a ban on facebook?

Customer:

with clear explanation why..

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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