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JaRee1993
JaRee1993, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 180
Experience:  Licensed to do family counseling including parenting skills
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My son is almost 30 years old and I has come to work at the

Customer Question

My son is almost 30 years old and I has come to work at the firm where I have been manager for 12 years. He has been made a partner which is wonderful. Ever since then he swears shouts and abuses me in front of the entire office and blames me for every thing that goes wrong even things that have nothing to do with me whatsoever. I have tried to hand my notice in to the other partner who has said he will close the business down if I walk away. My relationship with my son is ruined- he comes to my house in the evenings and goes on and on at me until I cry. I am a strong person but everyone keeps saying I have aged 20 years in the last two. I have even contemplated in my weaker moments suicide. I cannot do this as I look after my brother who has multiple sclerosis and my son has not been anywhere near him for ten years as he says ill people make him feel bad.

I am so worn down.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 4 years ago.

JaRee1993 :

Hi, thank you for contacting Just Answer. My name is Ja`Ree and I am a mental health counselor. It sounds as though you are at the need of your rope here. I would like to help you find a solution to this relationship/parenting problem. In order to do that I would like to get a little more information from you about you. First of all, has he always been this verbally abusive with you, even as a child? Secondly, do you know why you allow him to show you such disrespect in public and in your own home? It will help me better assist you if you could answer these questions for me. I will be waiting for your reply. Thank you, Ja`Ree


 

Customer:

My son was bougfht up to be polite and respectful and at other times maintains that he loves me very dearly. My husband left when he was three and there has always been the two of us. He has always been a strong personality but since being made the partner at the firm he has become an abusive bully. He only does this to me and to a much lesser degree to another lady of about the same age. I would like adv ice as to how to stop him doing this - I know I should not allow it but how do I disallow it??

JaRee1993 :

Would you consider finding someone you can talk to on a regular basis that can help you deal with the feelings that come with this situation and assist you with developing the skills you need to set boundaries, be assertive and practice self care while still showing respect for your son. The kind of relationship you have with your son is not an easy one to change, however, it can be changed and needs to be. It is not healthy for you or your son and I would like to see you get some assistance to make the relationship a healthy one and to enable you to receive the respect for yourself and from others that you deserve. Is this something you would consider?

Customer:

I would do this but I work 7am- 7pm and care for my brother until 9am - it would be so hard to find someone who could help in between. I know I am allowing myself to be abused and I just don't know how to react to stop it. I just bow my head and feel ashamed when all my staff hear this,

JaRee1993 :

I wish you would make it a priority to find the time to take care of you, or you are not going to be able to give the kind of care you need to give to your brother. I wish you knew that you are just as important as everyone you help. Would you like me to make some suggestions for possible books you can read and work through on your own?

Customer:

I would really like that thank you

JaRee1993 :

Codependent-No-More-by-Melody-Beattie is a good book and so is


Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. by Henry Cloud and John Townson . You can find them online. I get them at Amazon.com I hope that you will get the books and begin to practice some self care by setting boundaries for yourself and knowing that you are important.

Please let me know if I can assist you further in this. If this answer has helped you then please press the Accept button at the bottom of the page so that I can be paid by Just Answer. Also, please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer.




 

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Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 4 years ago.
please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer.Ja`Ree

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