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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hi my 16 year old daughter got the sack from her saturday job

Customer Question

Hi my 16 year old daughter got the sack from her saturday job for taking too many days off and refuses to look for more work, even for the summer.She is still in school. Ive told her she wont have any money at all for the summer but she still refuses. What can I do to get her to understand how important a good work ethic is?Thanks
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. Many teens today consider "work" a bad, four-letter word. Your daughter may be influenced by her friends who do not work so that she can have more free time in the summer. These same friends may get everything they need from their parents without working for anything and your daughter may have adopted the same attitude.When teens don't learn how to work at an early age, they are unable to hold a job when it is time to earn a living when they are older and mature adults. Kids may have trouble with the boss/employer relationship. They are unable to give a full day's work for a day's pay. They believe the world owes them a living and they surely should not need to break a sweat. These attitudes cause many teens a whole array of problems. You need to explain to your daughter that she needs to work to have the extra things in life that she wants because you cannot financially accommodate all of her desires.Encourage your daughter to find another job. It is not the end of the world which is how she may be feeling as well. Working teaches responsibility and the fact that someone is in charge and someone else must do the work. Tell your daughter that you work hard to pay the bills and to buy the things you need and want. Lead by example. This is very helpful as she reaches adolescence.Maybe your daughter can baby sit or tutor young children until she finds another job that she truly enjoys.Before your daughter finds another job, set down the rules about working. The job cannot be too many hours, so it leaves little time for homework or social life. Your daughter needs to be able to get herself there if possible. If she earns money, she can help pay for gas. Her grades must not slip if still in school and she must find time to still engage with family and friends. You may also need to adjust curfew to allow her time for socializing.The first job is always exciting and will be a true learning experience. The teen who has learned the work ethic young will do much better at another job. Employers expect kids to work if they pay them. They are right in assuming a teen will show up for work and on time. It is perfectly okay for kids to ask for occasional time off their scheduled hours if it is done according to the employer's policy and not excessively.Teens must learn you must work if you want to eat. Teens need to know when you are at work, you work. That means don't fool around, visit with your friends, or hang on the business phone. Tell your daughter that the boss is in charge. When someone pays you money, you follow his or her instructions. Teens must show people in charge respect and do what they are told.One of the best ways to teach a healthy work ethic is to show by example that you believe in hard work. Work hard at your own job. Don't take advantage of your employer and always treat them with respect. Be punctual for your job and don't play hooky from work.Your daughter will learn that all work is useful and meaningful. Don't elevate one job over another by being demeaning to people. You can talk about all work as honorable. Your daughter may have negative feelings about being let go. Tell her that an even better job will come around.Help your daughter find the skills and talents in extra-curricular activities and she will start to develop good work skills as well. When she expresses interest in a job, locate an opportunity for her to actually see that job and talk to the worker. If possible, collect as much information as you can about different careers your daughter is interested in. Most school guidance rooms have a wide array of books and tests to find information about and aptitude for certain careers. Encourage your daughter to try many things while young so that she can begin to decide what will be a good job in her mind and build up self-esteem. Everyone should follow their dreams whenever possible. A rewarding, satisfying job will outweigh one where great sums of money are made, but the employee is unhappy. Often, there are ways to experience the best of both worlds.If you have a teen that likes to work, congratulate them on the great attitude. If you have one that shirks responsibilities, hates hard work, and feels the world should just take care of him; you need to instill a good work ethic in her now. Tell her, life is very hard for those who don't willingly work.Hope this has been helpful. Have a blessed day!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thank you so much for that. Unfortunately I have been unable to work due to health issues for the last 3 years and am on DLA (am in scotland), but previous to that worked at 4 jobs.I am also a single mother to a 10 year old and 4 year old so worry they learn from her attitude.I have told her that I nor the adults I am friendly with have never been sacked.She doesnt do too well at school but wants to join the police force (who are not recruiting in the near future, so competition will be very high), social work (she will need very good grades and plenty of them, which she doesnt have and after a meeting with her guidance teacher and head, they find it very hard to believe this is possible).I am hoping a summer with no money to go for days out with her friends will teach her a lesson.I feel her attitude to school and work along with her very real nievity is going to hand her a very poor future.I left home at 16 and worked hard at my chosen occupation, as did everyone at the time.Thank you for your reply, yours, Karen
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for responding. You must tell your daughter that if she wants to do well in life, she must work hard to reach success. If she has a negative attitude, you may want to seek professional counseling so that your daughter will get advice from a neutral third party who can provide your daughter with intervention and coping strategies. She may be feeling pressure if she is the oldest in the sense that she needs to provide for the family financially.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I would like to offer a differing view. First and most important you are a loving parent and wanting to watch out for her and have her make great choices and enjoy the money she makes while her gaining a sense of work ethic...but, my differing view here is that, you have tired and it may be time now to pull back a bit and let her make the mistake of not working and not having enough money to do what she wants and when she comes to you for money let her know that you would be happy to help her IF she has a job, but while she is unemployed you are not able to help her.
That is some great incentive to get her moving in the right direction.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Your daughter may fall and learn from her own mistakes of not having a job this summer. Maybe she needs to experience that feeling in order to realize that everything will not be handed to her. Have a great day. Thank you for allowing me to assist you. :)
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello again..may I update you with my trials with my daughter pls and ask for advice. She still refuses to work and much worse than that, I am desperate to know what to do next with her. The last two years have been torture. I allowed her to go to a beach party about a year ago and she promised she would be home. There was no sign of her at 5 am so I was out at the beach looking for her and ended up calling the police at 9 am to report her missing. The police found her and took her home. Myself and her father ( we are not together) grounded her. Eventually we gave her the chance to build up some trust but she did blew it big time again very quickly. Since then we have been going round and round in circles with her. She was seeing a horrible drug dealer ( who we had banned her from seeing) and ended up taking cocaine, meow meow and speed so we grounded her, took her phone off her and set up councilling for her. This was at Easter time. She asked if she could go to a party last Friday and her father said ok so long as she promised to come straight home when it finished at 1.30am. She got in at 4 am and left again at 5.10am leaving the front door wide open. I phoned her at 8 am when I realised she wasn't at home and she came home. Myself and my 3 children were going to go camping on fri morning but I delayed it so she could go to the party but when she did this I sent her to her fathers instead. She refused to look for a summer job and wants to stay on for 6 th year at school but we are sure it's only because its an easy option and she gets her £30 a wk ema ( we are in Scotland). I am at the end of my rope with her. I have tried on numerous occasions to give her some trust to build on but she blows it first time. I'm at the stage I want her to move out. She will be 17 in September. I can't even look at her at the moment. She confuses me because she makes herself out to be so sweet and apologetic and doesn't slam doors etc, but then totally and completely disrespects me.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

Hello and it is always so wonderful to hear from a repeat customer. I am so dearly sorry to hear that things have not improved for your daughter.

Basically, does your daughter just hang out with friends all day? How does she get money with no job? Does she have any aspirations toward what she wants to do in life?

If she did not live with you, where would she go? Does she respect her dad? Could she live with him?

Has she ever had counseling?

Do you feel that she may have a drug problem?

Thanks in advance for your answers!

STAY ENCOURAGED!!!

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We set up councilling for her and she was assessed as not needing councilling as such, but they offered her someone to talk to on a weekly bases. She is very good at pulling the wool over people's eyes. She stays in bed all morning and hangs out with her friends or in the house all day and gets £30 a week education allowance which the government gives the kids to encourage them to stay in school for 5 th and 6th year. She spends it on phones and cigarettes but uses her friends phones to text from as she won't use her money for credit. She doesn't seem to respect her father any more than she does me. Her father is married with two other children and live in a two bedroom flat 10 miles away. We moved to where we are so she could be closer to her siblings and father but she had so little to do with her siblings that her little sister didn't know who she was till recently. I am getting remarried next year and all three of my children absolutely adores my fiancé so there are no issues with that. I have also set up councilling at school.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We set up councilling for her and she was assessed as not needing councilling as such, but they offered her someone to talk to on a weekly bases. She is very good at pulling the wool over people's eyes. She stays in bed all morning and hangs out with her friends or in the house all day and gets £30 a week education allowance which the government gives the kids to encourage them to stay in school for 5 th and 6th year. She spends it on phones and cigarettes but uses her friends phones to text from as she won't use her money for credit. She doesn't seem to respect her father any more than she does me. Her father is married with two other children and live in a two bedroom flat 10 miles away. We moved to where we are so she could be closer to her siblings and father but she had so little to do with her siblings that her little sister didn't know who she was till recently. I am getting remarried next year and all three of my children absolutely adores my fiancé so there are no issues with that. I have also set up councilling at school. She would like to be a social worker but would have to pass three highers with good grades , one of which is a crash course in psychology, and her teachers and family all think this is very unrealistic as she is not academic. We all think she is just taking the easy option with free pocket money for the next year so she can delay working or getting an apprenticeship. We have all done our best to encourage extra curricular activities but she has no interests at all outside her friends, drinking and partying. I don't know if she took drugs on Friday night. My fiancé works away from home , otherwise I would allow her to go to parties, but collect her at the end of the night. I can't because I can't leave my two younger children. The parties are mostly held in a local bar and on Friday they were refused a taxi because they were too drunk., though she says she wasn't. ( she would lol).
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello my dear friend. Ongoing counseling and intervention is a definite must. Your daughter needs help with her alcohol and possible substance abuse problems. Also, counseling at school may motivate her to improve if she is required to report to someone weekly and be held accountable for her actions. Also, family therapy may be necessary so she can better relate to you and your fiancé. Furthermore, are there boarding or boot camp type schools that you can send your daughter away to? Such schools are rigorous and would whip your daughter into shape and remove her from all negative elements that she currently faces.

Basically, your daughter wants to have independence but is not yet mature enough to act in an independent adult like manner. She is taking advantage of how easy she has life. You must sit down and talk with her. Things must change. Tell her the house rules. Then come up with realistic consequences for misbehavior that you both agree on. Make her feel like she has a part in something.

If she has so much free time on her hands, you must try and remove her from her negative elements. Have her babysit, volunteer, run errands, etc. However at night, you must limit her activities or offer to pick her up much earlier than she comes home. She is still young. Things will only get worse. Start cracking that whip a little harder. You are the parent and never give up on you authoritative control! Do not let her manipulate you.

If you need more help, please ask.

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