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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3139
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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I have an 11 yr old son who seems happy fit and well , enjoys

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I have an 11 yr old son who seems happy fit and well , enjoys school and going to stay with his father at weekends. We moved house Dec 13th 2011.
He has always slept well , and was fine in the new house till xmas. However, since the new year began he is finding it very hard to get to sleep no matter how late or tired he may be. I try to persuade him to stay in his bed and he gets really upset. Finally i give in, and he ends up going to sleep in my bed. ( partner away working all week) Every night now i lift him when i go to bed, in order to try to instill the routine we have always had, i.e angus sleeps in his own bed.
I have tried lying with him on his bed at bedtime but he cant fall asleep. He gets a bit clingy in the evenings. I have tried talking with him to find out why he is struggling at the moment. He says the room is ok , it doesnt seem scary , but he just feels safer in my bed.
It all seems bizarre at his age and I cant fathom out what on earth its all about and whats going on.
I would be so very grateful for any advice.
Many thanks
Jenny Hubbard
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.
Hi Jenny,
It seems as if he is snuggling a bit with the change. Even though he may be able to say that his room feels ok he may still feel a bit frightened which is why he is saying he feels safer in your bed. I understand you giving in because you love him and want him to feel safe, but I would like you to try and get back to the boundary of him sleeping in his own room. It may not be easy and there may be a lot of upset and him being tired, but let's work on him feeling safe in his room.
Enlist him to help you create something in his room to feel safe. Maybe he needs a piece of you in there...a t shirt, etc. I know he is 8 but he has had a change and it is affecting him. We can also try a reward system...if he stays in his bed whether he is sleeping or not the two of you get to have special time ice cream cone after school, for example.
Make sure his bed has some books and other cozy items. Don't make the requirement sleep, that will come, but make the requirement that he must stay in his bed and you stay in yous. Tell him a cozy bed time story and tuck him in and give some reassurance.
Let me know how this sounds.
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