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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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14 year old sons friends

Customer Question

what would you advise if you do not like your 14 year old sons friends? He doesn't get into trouble with them but they are not good influences either. They get terrible grades, play war video games as much as they possibly can, they like dark things such as granades, etc.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. Are these friends mostly at home or at school? Where do they play the video games? Does your son have any other interests like sports? Thank you in advance for responding and I look forward to consulting you. Thanks!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
These friends are at school. They play video games online together. He has tried soccer but only because these friends were in it. His other interests are reading and hunting. He has always been a straight A student up until this year. Now he is getting B's and C's.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Was this your son's first year in high school? Has he known his current friends for a while? Just trying to get a clear picture of the entire situation? :)
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Unfortunately as parents, we cannot pick and choose our children's friends. You can continue to discuss the negative actions and influences of the friends but do not personally attack the friends themselves because then your son will feel like you are attacking him because that is his social group which he identifies with. When teens, especially boys, when they enter high school or are about the age of 14, all they care about is the social scene and being accepted. It is true that grades may drop as this happens to many teen boys. However, you must constantly stay on your son. Check his homework. Ask when upcoming tests are. Limit his computer time to only on the weekends for a specified time. Reward him for maintaining good grades and/or picking his grades back up to As. Talk to him frequently and encourage him to do well in school. Unfortunately, you cannot keep your son away from his friends at school. But change the things that you can control. Your son seems to have a good head on his shoulders. You seem to be a very caring and supportive parent. I applaud you for your concern! Just continue to motivate your son to do well, limit computer time, and try to get your son more involved in outside of school activities with other teens who are more productive and positive. This is just a phase and will soon pass. Believe in your son and believe in yourself that you possess effective and efficient parenting techniques to help your son overcome this bumpy obstacle in his life.

Have a blessed day!
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Do you think he should be rewarded for good grades such as a cell phone for A's & B's or a laptop for all A's?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Does he already these items? Is it just an upgrade?

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