How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
64783947
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been divorced for almost 6 yrs from an abusive, alcoholic

Customer Question

I have been divorced for almost 6 yrs from an abusive, alcoholic man. We had 3 children together, in which, he was never around to help raise. I have 2 daughters 16,14 and a son age 12. He hasn't been in their life since the divorce much either. I have had many problems with the oldest child, very abusive to all of us, has starteddrugs, have sent her away 2 times. She is on probation now and lives with her paternal grandmother with her father, hardly speaks to me, blames me now for all her problems (before she'd go months and would not speak to her father, outa of anger towards him for his drinking, empty promises, missed b-days, Christmas's, etc., now..my other two ( which I have full custodyof ) go overnights on Mon., & Tues.nights, the pro
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Another expert will gladly assist you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What do you need to know? Or are you saying you cant help me?
Expert:  lifecoach28 replied 2 years ago.
I understand that your children have diagnosis but adhd and bipolar have nothing to do with whether your children choose to respect you. Your daughter has been sent away twice and has had treatment for drug addiction. How did the family counseling work for you? Usually individual and family counseling are provided in these situations. Also, counseling and support groups are often provided for families dealing with bipolar disorder. Have you all attended any counseling or support groups for your oldest daughter?

One thing that may be going on is that you are overwhelmed with your situation. Being a single parent of several children is difficult. It has to be done with the support of friends and family members or help from a social service. Do you think you get enough support from friends and family? Also, have your children ever said why they might prefer their father over you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Just wasn't the answer I was looking for and not enough detail, it's taking way too long for me to get an answer. Im not real happy so far.
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 2 years ago.
I would very much like to help you with your question. It is difficult to get to an answer that will help you without being in a dialog. If you respond to this message I can chat with you on line.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
You are in a very difficult situation and sadly one that is quite common. the one who has usually done all of the care-taking and the good care taking is the easiest one to blame for all of the problems however inaccurate that may be.
I know you are not desirous of losing your children and I am not suggesting that, but you may need to take a step back and let your ex handle all of it so he can begin to take some responsibility and your kids can see that things with Mom weren't so bad and your love and care for them has been wonderful.
Things are very out of control now and counseling and additional support is definitely recommended but in the here and now you need some time to take care of yourself. You have had no support and you are wiped out...who wouldn't be.
Be clear on your rules in your home and be consistent and if they don't follow YOUR rules then there are consequences. If non of this works then maybe some time living with Dad is the only way to go. Things will spiral out of control I am sure, but maybe everyone needs to see this in order for some real change and desire for counseling can take place.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

How could I just let them go with an alcoholic, abusive man. Now, may I remind you that he is living with his mother along with my oldest daughter. This is getting very hard I do agree with you on that but, to let them into his complete care, I feel like I would be throwing them out to the dogs.

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I agree with you on that and it would be putting them in a bad situation I am just trying to figure out how to get you the support you need. You are in a horrible spot and I would petition the court for full custody if that is an option although that does not help with the other issues. You are dealing with. I know this may not be helpful but as bad as things are right now I do think they will come around at some point and not see you as the terrible one that they do now. Sadly all of you will be in this horrible space until either counseling happens, or they come around as you remain consistent and loving.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I already have full custody of my 2 youngest children. As for counseling, I have been in with my oldest a few different times. I am at loss for what to do.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I will be as open and honest and direct with you as I can. I am at a loss too as this is a very tough situation and the thing I am feeling about it is to continue doing all that you can and set the boundaries as to what is acceptable in your home. They break it take away their whatever is important to them. You will be the bad guy but you already are. I really believe that at some point they will realize that you have done well by them and they will come around. I would also suggest more counseling and for all of you together. you need clear and ongoing support here. A few times is not enough as this situation is spiraling out of control.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered