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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a son who has just turned 17. He does not follow the

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I have a son who has just turned 17. He does not follow the rules I have set for him. He does not go to school and has no job. He has lied and I know he has stolen from me. I also know he does drugs. I have tried EVERYTHING. I am at wits end. I have said this is your last chance probably about 5 times ago now.This has been going on for at least 8 months. I have pretty much have made the decision of "if you can't live by the expectations" then you will have to figure it out on your own. I have enquired about other living arrangements for him and am willing to pay fully for two weeks but after that it depends on him. If he has a job and is going to school I will subsidize his costs however if he is not trying well... then I think I have done everything I possibly can. This is an agonizing decision. Help?
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems of your son. Are both parents in the home? The school just allows him to stay home? Has he always been defiant? Are you mom or dad? Thank you!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Lance(my son) lives with myself and a stepdad. I am the mom. Lance does not have any contact with his biological father . His biological father and I have been divorced for15 years and by the dads choice has never been involved.Lance has 2 older brothers.(both are mine). Lance began skipping classes at school immediately at the start of the school year.Aside from phone calls home from the school alerting me to his attendance they could not force him to attend classes and he was on the brink of being withdrawn from the school. Lance has always had difficulty at school and has been tested for learning difficulties. He was placed in modified studies. In Oct.2011, Lance talked to me about attending an outreach school where he wanted to go, he also told me he wanted a part time job as well.I reluctantly agreed as this school is pretty much a self directed school. There are teachers on site and deadlines in place. Well that was a huge mistake on my part to agree to this as he has not applied for any jobs nor has he applied himself to his school work. Lance has not always defiant, he used to be a very loving respectful person. His choice of friends is not the best either. Lance comes from a very loving home.I have always made it clear on rules and expectations.I am at a loss on what to do. No matter the consequences, he does what he wants.
I applaud you for continuing to be so supportive of your son. Some emotional deeply routed issue is affecting your son. He is torn now between leaving the teen age years behind and accepting the responsibilities of becoming an adult. He still needs you but is not yet mature enough to tackle adult responsibilities and decisions. Therefore, I would suggest that you seek psychological counseling for him. He needs a neutral third party that can provide him with coping and intervention strategies in dealing with life since he has not completely opened up to you. Furthermore if needed, you may want to place him in a live in boot camp school that could whip him into shape. Your son knows that he can manipulate you to get his ways. Some drastic steps must be taken because your words do not mean anything to your son. When he is 18, you can kick him out the house if he does not take you seriously. Sometimes, teens must learn from their failures. You have given him the wings to fly but he refuses to use them to leave the nest. Hang in there. This is a difficult stage that will soon pass.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you Jordan for your advice. I will definately see that Lance talks to someone. Definately will be looking into the bootcamp school as well.I have never heard of it.

Thanks again!

Very glad to assist you. Have a blessed day!

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