How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
64783947
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What is the best way to show my 3 year old boy that im boss,

Resolved Question:

What is the best way to show my 3 year old boy that im boss, and when i command him to do something, he has to do it right away?

(Right now im using a technique where i count to 3, if by 3 he doesnt do what im asking, i spank him once in the behind)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Thank you for joining me. Please forgive any typos as I get very immersed in my work with you and my brain may go faster than my fingers.
Good morning. Your question is a good one because most parents struggle with this, but I must tell you that his behavior is normal for his age.
At age 3 he is beginning to test his independence and connecting back with you and he does this by testing the limits to see what he can and cannot do. He is not acting this way to make you angry.
It requires firm boundaries on your part and consistency on those boundaries The boundary doesn't need to be that rigid, but it needs to be consistent. Obviously if his safety is involved a rigid boundary is needed. Often I suggest to pick your battles...meaning that if there is a space where you see him testing and in the end is no big deal, let him have that independence so he can have the feeling of independence but in the areas where there is no wiggle room such as time to get dressed for school or bath time, you are firm on the boundary. I am not a big fan of spanking..doesn't seem to have much effect either.
I prefer a simple and short time out...a minute for every year. So he is 3, then he would sit in a chair for 3 minutes. I wouldn't engage with him during this time, but make sure he is in a safe place. We would all love if our children would do something we asked the first time we ask, but that is not likely at this age. During the time when he does do something when you ask, please commend him for that behavior as that is the behavior you are trying to reinforce. Often too much focus on the behavior you don't want only reinforces the behavior as they see they are getting attention for it.
So to sum it all up.
1-He is in normal development for testing limits
2-Set your boundary around the task. "I need you to get dressed now so we can go to school. If you do not get dressed now you will need to sit in your private chair." and let him know that he will lose a privilege. Don't make empty threats.
3-If you count to 3 and he does not begin to get dressed then place him in the chair and let him know he needs to sit there.
4-Give him some areas where he can feel a sense of pride and let him have some wins too.
5-Praise the good behavior when he does do what you ask him to do.
6-Remember this behavior is normal.
7-Try the time out chair rather than the spanking.
8-Be consistent so that he is not confused.
I hope you have found these tips helpful.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered