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lifecoach28
lifecoach28, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 21
Experience:  Assisting with single parenting, parenting with an ex, adult children with parent problems and all other parenting concerns.
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I have now been separates from my partner for many years, our

Customer Question

I have now been separates from my partner for many years, our child is now 4 years old and i feel the visitation schedule or lack of it is going to have a determental affect on our son. When i lived close to his father it was not that bad I did not mind doing the travelling and dropping off. Since this time i have started university in Glasgow over a 100 miles away and am finding it hard to make up a visitation schedule that his father will stick to, this includes me still doing some of the travelling. On many occasions i have had a very disappointed child as at the last minute the plans are changed, i no longer feel like i can cope with the situation with the only idea i have is to stop visitation altogether so i know whats going on, which would not have a major affect on me but for our 4 year old it most likely would. Any time i try to make an agreement i am told that i am trying to pressure the father. All i want is for our child to see both his father and myself, as i do not make plans in advance for weekends out with my son anymore just incase he gets the chance to see his dad. How can i resolve this and still stay on relatively good terms with my ex?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. Have you talked to your ex? If so, what was his reaction?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I constantly try talking to him, with my response normally being hung up on, even when i am trying to compromise, then i get angry. I have also tried arranging face to face chats but he never has the time to stay very long once started and takes off. He says he wants to see his son and i don't want to stop him but stability is need in our sons life and i can not give him that if i don't have a clue what is going on myself
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and thank you for responding. There are two routes that you may take. The first one is costly and involves taking legal action to set up court ordered and mandated visitation times and dates. However, because of the time and costs involved in dealing with the court system, this may not work for you. The other route is to just lay low for a while. If your ex wants to be a true part of your son's life, let him reach out to you and your son. He does not seem to have the time right now to accept his fatherly duties. Therefore, let him call you. Continue with your life. If your son asks to see his dad, have your son talk to his dad on the phone. Your ex obviously has some troubles in his life and your son is not a priority to him right now. Just give your ex a little space now and see what happens.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
As an expert i am shocked that they went straight to a court answer or just plain ignoring the issue. Because the answer was taking so long i started to do my own research on line. Mediation would have been a good answer but i have no clue where to go for that, as the site are a bit hard to figure out
Expert:  lifecoach28 replied 5 years ago.
I am SO sorry that this is happening. You may understand that you will be far from Dad only until you graduate but your baby won't understand that. And Dad may be resistant because he is disappointed that you moved away. Let's hope he will get past that soon. Okay, I have two suggestions.

1. Fake it to make it. Stop calling and directly asking if and when your ex will visit with your son. Instead, start calling or emailing him just to ask how things are going to him. Call and let your son leave his dad a message. Email him reports of funny things your son has done or glowing reports the teacher gave about your son. Once your ex starts talking to you or returning your messages continue with the same type of conversation. All of this should allow your ex to feel it's okay not to be so hard about dealing with you. There are two goals here. One is that your ex will start calling your son at least once a month. Two by summer, your ex will be prepared to have your son stay with him a couple weeks.

2. Have a person you trust make the visitation arrangements for you. You may have to go through several people before you find one that your ex is comfortable with. It might even have to be one of his friends or family members. As long as they are truly an advocate for the father-son relationship they may be a effective in this role.

Let me know if any of this helps.