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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1754
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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My 5 yr old B/G twins are starting kindergarden in September.

Resolved Question:

My 5 yr old B/G twins are starting kindergarden in September. I have always thought they would be in the same class, so question! Lately, I've been noticing that my son is more outgoing. They are in the same pre-K class, and have many of the same friends, but he's just seems more "popular" (bad choice of words for 5 yr olds I know)... and she tends to take a back seat. She has many friends, but I've noticed that, in a group setting, she is much more quiet. They share a room and do NOT want to separate, I tried to get them to switch rooms last year, but they want to be together. I would hate to make the wrong decision for them, but I think different classes would allow her to spread her wings a little? Do you agree?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

JenKMom :

I look forward to providing the support that you need.

JenKMom :

I do think if you are beginning to see that one of your children is taking a back seat to the other in class it may be a good time to separate them in school. Have you met with the teacher or head of school to discuss your feelings and hear their views?

Customer:

I'm in PA and the law says the parent can choose. I made an appt for February to register them, but thats only with the receptionist. I have also talked to twin moms and they have opinions all over the board!

Customer:

I love our pediatrician so I will ask her at their next check up but I wanted to get an unbiased opinion here!

JenKMom :

Mom tends to know best and this wouldnt be coming up for you if you didnt see the changes happening.

Customer:

I'm a big believer in moms intuition but I don't think they will want to separate!

Customer:

I don't want to make the wrong decision!!!

JenKMom :

often we get stuck worrying about whether we are doing right by our children but you are seeing that they may need to spread their wings and fly individually and then come back and be together at home, in their room, play time, etc

JenKMom :

They seem connected and i do think the separation will come with an adjustment period.

JenKMom :

has one ever been in school without the other during a sickness?

Customer:

Yeah, I think so too! It's a new school, they will know maybe 3 or 4 other kindergardeners so it's not like they will walk in knowing no one!

JenKMom :

and will you get to spend some time there in advance so they get familiar with the surroundings and maybe view their rooms and teachers?

Customer:

well, the funny thing is they don't even play together at school, their teacher said they are very independent but they always kind of knows where the other one is

JenKMom :

exactly and that is where the adjustment will come having to deal with the fact that the other one isn't in that room but,

Customer:

my daughter is easy, she will play with anyone. My son only likes to play "boy games" at school but he will happliy play doll house at home!

JenKMom :

that is a great place to start working with them on as you begin to process the change with them

JenKMom :

"even though you won't be in the same room, she or he is in the room right down the hall doing similar things as you

JenKMom :

cute how socialization happens.

Customer:

this is an issue for me this week because he was sick Wednesday and when I picked her up she was very excited to be an "only child" at school

JenKMom :

he is already internalizing what boys "should" play with but feels safe enough at home to explore it all with his sister. Good work on your part

Customer:

but she made him a get well card!!!

JenKMom :

exactly that shows you they can do it!

Customer:

he's ALL BOY at school and wears pink tutu's at home! and he would just die if he knew I told anyone that!!!

JenKMom :

she was able to be in school and still think of him and make him a card but she didnt collapse and survived it and even thrived

JenKMom :

I wont tell. :-)

Customer:

yeah, she really seemed very happy, but really missed him, she was happy to be the singleton!

Customer:

thanks!

JenKMom :

all things can exist..happy to be a single, happy to be in school and miss him

Customer:

so even if they freak out you think I should separate them?

JenKMom :

you are doing great work with the allowing them to be who they are

JenKMom :

I expect freak outs

JenKMom :

but only for a short while

Customer:

thanks, XXXXX XXXXX good kids!!

Customer:

ok, well, thats kind of what I wanted to hear!!!

JenKMom :

I would call the school in advance and set up a meeting to address your desires and worries so that they are sensitive to it and will handle it and make them both feel safe

JenKMom :

the calmer and more secure you are about it, the more they will feel the same

JenKMom :

they will read your vibe

Customer:

I always feel so guilty for having them at the same time, like I rushed their babyhood by having two at once! I just don't want to make the wrong choice!

JenKMom :

none of us do as parents and sometimes we do and sometimes we dont. trust your judgment and let this week and how she did be a guide.

Customer:

ok, I will call and try to get to the principal. I think there are only 2 classes, maybe 3 but no more than 3

JenKMom :

perfect. they will respond well as I am sure you are not the first mom who has gone through this

JenKMom :

you sound like a wonderful mom. keep up your loving, great work

Customer:

thanks!! Every twin mom has an opinion, usually a strong one! it just really depends on the kids!

Customer:

thanks for the ego boost :)

JenKMom :

that is correct. Every parent has a strong opinion whether they have twins or not but as I always say...nobody can tell you what works for you and your family

Customer:

thanks very much!!!

JenKMom :

my pleasure

Customer:

very true

Customer:

thank you!

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1754
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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