How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1785
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
64783947
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

to make a loooong story short, me and my ex have been divorced

Resolved Question:

to make a loooong story short, me and my ex have been divorced for 8 years both of us are remarried and we have no kind of realtionship. however, we have a 15 year old son. Thus my delima. My ex lives next door to his parents, and im not being ugly by saying this but his mother is not right in the head. when my son was born it all began. i stayed with him the first 8weeks of his life then i HAD to return to work. the ex mother inlaw volunteered to baby sit at no charge to help us out ( or so i thought)! I would drop him off of the morning after feeding him breakfast and bathing and dressing him. I also packed everything he needed for the day plus extra. when i would come back to pick him up he was ALWAYS dressed in something we hadnt bought him. This was puzzling to me but i let it go. as he got older everytime we would buy something for him she would buy one of the same things for her house. The most disturbing thing came when she admitted to me that she loved my son more than she did her own! Thats just crazy in my book! We were in and out of court over child support and visitation for 2 years. still after the divorce ( i got primary custody) if i bought my son something no matter what it was she would by him the same thing for her house. When it was my ex husbands time to have him he would always leave him with the his mother. Now to the problem, the court ordered us to have joint custody and for my son to stay with his dad not his grandparents. Even my exes attorney advised him to "keep your mom out of this its none of her business". Well my son is 15 now and they have completely turned him against me. He wont stay with me, call, text me or anything. my ex has 2 more sons now and i no my son is somewhat jealous thats only normal but my ex nor his family will encourage my son to do right by me. He continues to stay with the grandparents, they continue to buy him ANYTHING he wants and let him do whatever he likes. I had rules he had to abide by and he had to earn money by helping out around the house. I am at my witts end and heartbroken, I have tried everthing i no to do to reach out to my son and its to no avail! What should i do next? Please help i am lost and heartbroken!!!!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

Hi, Please give me one moment to continue reading and absorbing

Customer:

ok

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

I am sad for your heartbreak and it sounds like a devastating situation. nothing worse than to have a break with your Son due to others lack of repspect for your relationship.

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

As bad as things are with the grandparents is there a way to have a coffee with them to talk about the importance of the mother son relationship?

Customer:

I would do anything but they said if i even pulled in the driveway they would call the law on me for trepassing, so no thats not an option. In her mind i really think she thinks she's MY sons mother!

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

That does sound terrible. do you have the law on your side with the custody arrangement being that he is supposed to be living with your ex?

Customer:

Yes maam i do, but they have my son so confused it would only make matters worse if i involved the law

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

If you have joint custody is he staying with you at all? i am desirous of you having some alone time with him not to slam or degrade the grandparents but to remind him of your love for him

Customer:

NO he wont have any commucation with me at all. He really gets fused at if he even trys

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

It is awful to even say this but are you able to go a period of time giving him some space?

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

Not easy I know

Customer:

I have given him ample space that is why im talking with you now. Me and my husband lost our home in a fire 2 months ago and his dad brought him to the house while everyone was there and it burning. He told me at that time "mom i waited to long to come home now its gone". He knows what he is doing is wrong but he has noone to encourage him to do whats right

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

I feel your pain and I support you in how you are feeling. I know you don't want to get the law involved for fear of alienating him further but if you feel he is not being taken care of in an appropriate way such as speaking and destroying his relationship with you then I think it is best to get someone involved maybe even through the school

Customer:

I no that would only make things worse

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

is your usual way of communicating with him through text? If so, I would continue to let him know you are there when he is ready

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

does that feel doable?

Customer:

we have always spoke on the phone and text both but i have tried both ways especially over the holidays only for it to fall on deaf ears. if i sent him a text reminding him he is doing me wrong (she sneeks and looks at his phone) they would come up with something else negative to say about me

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

well maybe the tenor should be more about you love him and are there when he is ready

Customer:

I NO he knows how very much i love him! if i do that i feel it would only say to him that i condone his behaviour

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

I think he is fully aware that you don't condone his behavior and my worry is if you continue to tell him he has doen you wrong that he will move further from you and harder to reconnect. you might say something like, while I don't agree with your decisions, I love you and am here when you are ready.

Customer:

I will try that thans for your time

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

My pleasure. I know that you are in a tough spot and I do hope I provided a measure of comfort and support

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1785
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Coach Jen K. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
Parenting Counselor
1785 Satisfied Customers
Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.