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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2820
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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my daughter is 7 years old. My dad, her grandfather, has her

Resolved Question:

my daughter is 7 years old. My dad, her grandfather, has her over at his house from time to time. He sometimes bathes her from time to time which I have been strongly trying to get her out of because I think she should be able to bathe herself at 7 years old. My dad says he does not think she bathes herself properly and that he supervises her. I think that a lady or a female family member should supervise her. Also sometimes if my daughter has a irritation on her privates he would inspect it for her and put vaseline on it (by physically spreading her vagina a little and rubbing vaseline on it) Another thing is that when she spends the weekend over at his house sometimes she will watch tv with him (my mom is usually on the living room sofa) and fall asleep there sometimes with only her panties on and no shirt. My question is what is appropriate and what is not??? Please help
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

I always like to say to parents that if their gut is telling them something then they should follow it. Your gut is telling you that your Mom should be involved and that you dad should not be touching her privates. Are you uncomfortable to take a stand and express your wishes?

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

Are you there?

Customer:

Yes

Customer:

Another question

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

ok

Customer:

At what age is it inappropriate for a girl to stop being bathed by males or seen naked

Customer:

whether it is me or her grandfather

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

It is hard to put a number to it, but more important about if you feel the time has come and it sounds like you have arrived there.

Customer:

yeah i guess i have but I dont want my dad to feel like a pedophile. just had a talk with him and it didnt go to well. My dad is very alpha and controlling and he was like "well you can do that when she is with you but I don't beleive in that and that is going to make the child insecure around her own grandfather" i told him that he has to practice my values with her or he can't have her over

Customer:

also my dad has pretty much raised my daughter since she was 3 years old when my ex wife and I were separating and I was going through a rough patch

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

That sounds right. You are her mom and make those decisions and it is up to him to follow. I think enlisting your Mom to be around to do the bathing is what is appropriate.

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

How often is your daughter there?

Customer:

Sorry I am her dad actually :) And my mom is so super disassociated its not even funny . Myself growing up I can't even remember my mom doing anything with us or being a proactive parent. My dad did everything. The only effort my mom puts into anything is when she wants to go out with her friends or sitting in the front room with her vodka watching tv. My daughter was actually going there every weekend

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

Sorry to have confused who I was chatting with.

JACUSTOMER-cj3k91r3- :

I think your instincts are correct and following them is what seems like you want to do

Customer:

ok thanks

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