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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My 4th grader has received honor roll since pre-school. He

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My 4th grader has received honor roll since pre-school. He is very intelligent and school always came easy to him. This school year however he has developed an attitude and his grades have slipped. First quarter he was mostly B's with the exception of a C. This quarter he was all C's. His teachers say he doesn't pay attention, he talks in class, and doesnt accept responsibility for himself. Weve tried nearly everything we can think of to get him to behave in school. We have him on a point system now where if he doesnt 'pull a card' at school then he earns 1 mom buck, which can be turned in to watch tv or buy back his toys which weve confiscated. He talks back constantly and doesnt respect his father. He rolls his eyes, slacks on chores, talks back and argues. When he gets punished he seems genuinely confused as to why. When we explain, he blames everyone and everything but himself. How to get him to straighten up, and accept responsibility for his actions?
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your son? Who is the one who disciplines most in the household? Have you observed your son at school? Is he an only child? Is he involved in sports? Thank you!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Both my husband and I disipline, however I am more of the enforcer. I am also his "squishy mommy" as well. I guess thats to say I'm both. My spouse is disipline for when I am not witness to whatever happened.
He is an only child.
He is not involved in any sports nor are any there any teams currently accepting new players during this time of year.
He doesnt like sports, and we cant really afford to sign him up for any.
I need a little more background information to assist you....have there been any major recent life changes for your son, change of school, death of family member, etc? Additionally, what do his teachers do at school to help with his behavior if anything at all? Thanks!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
No moves, deaths, or any changes. At school they just make the kids pull a card. The number of cards is tallied and reported to parents on each thursday. I think pulling a card limits their ability to participate in any rewards the class has.
So is he basically defiant with everybody? How long has this been occurring?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He is defiant at school mostly, where after being told not to draw or talk he'll instantly start doodling on his papers and chatting with friends. He is vert respectful to his grNdparents and great grandparents. He is respectful towards me as well. At home the disrespectfulness is Lu
Iimited to my spouse, and aunt. His aunt is very a very sweet woman and they are almost like siblings together. But he picks on her. He doesn't pick on anyone else though. The defiance is limited to school, my spouse, aunt, and chores.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
School problems started this year.
Problems with dad has always been there. (they both antagonize eachother)
With aunt has been a year, though is identical to the relationship my spouse had with her growing up.
Hello and thank you for the background information. You are doing the right action with the mom bucks by paying more attention to his positive behavior and trying to reward it. However, your son is unable to control his emotions in a positive way. He needs to learn coping an intervention strategies in how to do so. The best course of action is to have him thoroughly evaluated by his pediatrician who can then refer you to a child psychologist. He seems to be manifesting ADD/ADHD because of his lack of ability to focus in school , disrespect, and impulsive behavior. This may be coupled with ODD which is Oppositional Defiant Behavior. Some of the symptoms are negativity, defiance, disobedience, hostility directed toward authority, temper tantrums, argumentativeness with adults, refusal to comply with adult requests or rules, deliberate annoyance of other people, blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior, acting touchy and easily annoyed, anger and resentment, spiteful or vindictive behavior, aggressiveness toward peers, and difficulty maintaining friendships. For now until you see a medical professional, keep focusing on the positive, conference with his teachers, make sure he is not be bullied at school, and provide love, encouragement, and support!

Have great day.
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