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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I just found out that my 11 year old daughter stole a doll

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I just found out that my 11 year old daughter stole a doll from a 2nd grader. She confessed to the principal after he asked what had happened. She told him that her friend told her to do it...and she did!!! The school has no choice but to suspend her for a day (tomorrow). The principal did tell us that my daughter's friend was caught stealing before Christmas. I am very upset and thought that we had taught her right from wrong, I don't know how to deal with this when she get's home today?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and thank you for using Just Answer. First of all just take a deep breath. Your daughter told the truth which is very admirable. If this was a one time occurrence, which it sounds as though it was, then your daughter will suffer the consequences of suspension and whatever punishment you impose on her as well. Nonetheless, children want to fit in with peers. She stole the doll to feel more accepted by her friend. You need to tell your daughter that the other student was not really a true friend. Talk about the negative actions of the other student. You have obviously taught your daughter right from wrong but peer pressure can be a big influence when parents are not around. Look at this as a learning lesson for your daughter not as any indication of poor parenting at all! You keep on being the positive influence and shining light in your daughter's life.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank do I find out from her WHY she did it? Is telling her that she is no longer allowed to hang out or play with this other girl right?? I just don't want her to rebel against us and do the opposite of what we tell her. Is taking her prized possessions (IPOD, DS, Computer etc) enough of a punishment or is it too much? When I was younger if we got caught doing anything like this we would have for sure got spanked or worse, I just want her to know we are very unhappy and that she needs to take this seriously.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
When you ask her why she did it, she will probably say "I don't know" which is a typical response so be prepared. Just let her response go if that is the case.You can tell her that her selection of friends is not a good choice. If you tell her not to hang around the stealing student, that will make her want to hang around her more. Focus on peer pressure and stealing. Do not attack the friend. Just punish your daughter for her individual actions like taking away her DS or computer for a week or two. That would be an appropriate punishment. Just talk about doing good deeds and being an honest child to make her parents proud.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you...I will try your suggestions.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
You are most welcome.

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