How old is he? What is his background? Did his father abandon him, did he pass away, has he ever known his father?
hi josh is 12 no good relashinship with his dad
Hi Dave! It sounds like he hasn't had a good male role model in his life. What are Josh's interests? It may be helpful for you and your girlfriend to spend time doing something he likes to do.
He may feel like you are trying to 'steal' his mom from him.
yep have tried to bond with him , dont think fionas last boyfreind treated him very well
How often do you get to see them?
i see her a few times a week ...but she only has part time care of josh so i dont see him very often since we changed the weekends
That does make things tricky.
she wants to come down to my house this weekend .... but he has cracked the shits
I'm curious, you said you talked with Josh, how did that conversation go? What was said?
And it was probably more that one conversation...
he seems fine when i get there and we talk about footy and stuff ..... its bed time that seems to be the big problem .... he starts crying and telling us to be quite when we are just talking ..... i have not spoken to him directy about the problem as i dont know what to say and dont want to make things worse
Facing the issue directly might be incredibly helpful for all three of you. If you decide to do that, be sure that you explain to him that you love your girlfriend (I'm assuming) and that is how an adult relationship expresses love. Ask him how he felt and apologize to him for what ever feeling was stirred up--I'm going to guess anger or fear or both.
Let him know that you care about him too and that you aren't trying to capitalize on all the time he has with his mom.
ok that sounds fair .... do we push the fact that we want to spend time togeather when he is there ? or do we just stay apart and give him space ?
You might try doing something he enjoys and let him slowly come to you--a game, his favorite show. It might take a while before he's comfortable coming to you again.
it has been going on far too long .... but we have just not known how to handle it ... very hard to get his head out the computor
Understandable! Just as a note, I am sure the last few months have been frustrating, do your best to keep calm (I don't keep my calm very well and I always end up paying for it).
Let me know if that helps.
yes have been trying to keep calm .... but his mum can get a bit angry with him purly from frustration
do you think she needs to take him for some counciling at all ?
It wouldn't hurt. Definitely find out how he feels about it. Some universities offer free or reduced counseling sessions, if money is tight.
ok cool ummm what about the sex thing lol ..... do we just not do it if he is there ?
Walking on broken glass right? I would definitely try to avoid for a few weeks, but don't tell him that. When you talk with him, gently let him know that in a mature relationship love-making happens regularly. I wouldn't use the words "we do this often..." though, might freak him out more.
Is there a way you could sound proof? Move his room, move the bed, etc? That might make him more comfortable too.
that sounds fair thank you .... have given a few things to think about...... i have four kids as well and they seem to get along good ...seems a shame that he dosent want to come here
Talking with him should help that part of things too. I've got to go feed my 7 month old, but feel free to keep asking. I'll be back.
ok thanks .... might ring fiona and go over our chat and see if she has any qts
if i save this chat can i come back and show her ?
I'm not sure... I'm pretty new to this but you could probably copy paste?
ok thanks .... would like you to chat with her at some point .... do i have to pay each time ?
You don't have to pay each time, unless you open a different question--as far as I know. I know I don't get paid until you 'accept' the answer, I assume that goes the other way too that you probably don't pay (from the deposit you made) until you 'accept'. If she'd like to talk just have her get on as you, and respond to this chat. I'm in the Mountain Time Zone of the US, so, I might not be able to answer right away depending on what time she's online.