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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son is 41/2 years old and started school in september. He

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My son is 41/2 years old and started school in september. He is happy with his teacher and is learning well. There has been some problems between my son and another child which has resulted in him being hurt and has really unsettled him. School are dealing with the situation well but I would like some advices as over the Xmas period he has show aggression to myself when he was fustrated. This was in the form of shouting and scratching. He was very sorry after. How do I teach my son to deal with fustration without violence? Also how do I help him through the times when he is fustrated and shows this behaviour.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the behavioral problems that your son is manifesting. Is he in pre school or Kindergarten? Did he show any aggression at school toward any of the other students before the winter break? Does he just show aggression toward you? Does your son have any siblings? Does he have friends outside of school that he can associate with? Did you speak with the teacher at school about the other child who hurt your son? Thank you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

He is in reception class at school and he did go to nursery before this without any issues. He has not show any aggression to other pupils other than to retaliate once to the child who has hurt him several times.

He does not have any brothers and sisters and does have friends out side of school and has shown no sign of aggression to them. He does know the that hurting is wrong and has not retaliated since to the child and with the teachers support has handled the situation well. It does worry my son that this child will still hurt him. The child has hurt other children and there parents are aware too.

The aggression tends to be more focused on me when I challenge his behaviour or ask him to do some thing he does not want to do. He has shown it to my husband too. The number of occurances are about 4 in total. I can link it to late in the day. I also could be linked to the thoughts of returning too school.



Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. Your son probably does feel a great deal of anxiety about returning back to school. His classmate seems to be somewhat of a bully. To help your son know what to do in school situations with his bullying classmate, you must role play and make it like a game. You act as the bully and your son plays the role of himself. For example, you ( as the bully) push your son or take some toys away from him. Teach your son that if the boy at school does this to him, he MUST speak up loudly and say, "NO! I do not like when you...... You need to be nicer. ". Then tell him to immediately notify the teacher. You must actively teach your son to stick up for himself and use words rather than physical aggression.

With regards XXXXX XXXXX negative behavior at home, teach him how to count to 10 or 20 when he becomes angry and then take 3 deep breaths. Then when he is calm, you can address the situation and his outbursts. Get down to your son's eye level and tell him how you expect him to behave in an authoritative voice using short simple sentences. When he does become frustrated and angry and shows that he can count to 10 or 20 and then take deep breaths, keep track on a sticker chart. Reward him for calming himself down. After he receives 10 stickers, provide him with a special treat or outing. Then as his behavior improves, change the number of stickers to 15 and then 20. The goal is to pay more attention to his positive behavior to eliminate the negative. The key is consistency as well.

Give these two things a try and then let me know how things turn out.

Happy New Year!
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