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KaterB1270
KaterB1270, Teacher
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
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my 5 year old son gets very upset when something that belongs

Customer Question

my 5 year old son gets very upset when something that belongs to him or his siblings such as toys or crafts from school are going to be thrown away or given away-- he begins to cry or follows me around to check and be sure it doesnt go in the trash--why is he like this and what can i do to deal with it and not have 2000 extra things in my house that are broken
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Before you write your child off as being too dramatic, consider the fact that this behavior may be innate. A high degree of sensitivity is often a physiological reality with which some children are born. Despite what other parents may tell you, it’s not due to a deficiency in confidence or social skills, and it’s certainly not something you as parents have, or ever had, control over. Sensitive children have different, or perhaps more exaggerated, reactions to things. They don’t act the way you’d expect a typical child should in many situations. Unfortunately, in our society, this is often seen as weakness. The reality is that sensitive children have a gift. They are able to experience the world at a higher level than average children. Realizing your child is highly sensitive can be tough. Not tough to understand, but tough to swallow. Don’t depair! It's better that you know early on, and take steps toward helping him deal with his world going forward. Adjust your behavior, not your child’s. Don’t try to force her to adapt to society’s demands. Love and accept your sensitive child unconditionally. You cannot change who he is. He needs to know you love him no matter how he perceives or reacts to the world. Focus on strengths. Sensitivity is practically a stigma in the U.S. and it’s important not to “label” your child. Help him understand that he experiences the world more deeply than most children, and help him see the strengths associated with this. He may notice things most people don't, have a better imagination, focus or concentrate better, be a gifted student, or empathize and be sensitive to others. Make small changes. If you need to make changes to your child’s environment, make them little by little. He will feel less overwhelmed. Have you and your child decide together which things to keep. If your highly sensitive child knows you will be there for him and love him no matter what he is feeling, he’ll have less hesitation in new situations, and will be less self-conscious. If he knows you’re not going to push him to be something he’s not, you’ll both be a lot more relaxed and prepared for the road ahead. Highly sensitive or not, all children need that parental security blanket every now and then.Hope this helps you feel better about everything.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
So I said all of that to say, accept your son's sensitive nature as a strength and a gift. When to need to get rid of things, maybe you can donate the toys and take pictures of the crafts so that he will still have a memory of them. Additionally, explain how you need space for new things so older things must go.

:)
Expert:  KaterB1270 replied 5 years ago.

I can tell you that this is an issue not only effecting your son but also effecting your whole family. I think I would start by explaining to your child that if you were to keep everything you ever purchased the house would be impossible to live in. I would then begin to explain how the "things" he has are not what is important in life. The relationships he has are what really matter. I would then set a time for him to choose 3-4 things to give to another home. For example if there is a preschool in the area maybe he could donate them to the school. If there isn't a school maybe a friend with a younger child would appreciate the gift. Once he starts parting with some small things the rest should be easy. Be sure to praise him as he gives things away. The praise is what will bring him to grips with getting rid of things. You can also try the one in and one out technique. For every one thing someone in the family brings in then they must dispose of (in some way) of one other item.

 

I hope this helps!

 

Kate

 

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KaterB1270, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 142
Experience: BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
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