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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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My 15 year old daughter is on the pill (for medical reasons),

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My 15 year old daughter is on the pill (for medical reasons), was in a relationship with a boy, they had sex, which although i thought they were too young I accepted. They finished then she started seeing another boy and they started having sex I was furious but I didn't stop her from seeing him. I have now found out that she has had drunken sex with a boy who has no scruples, I'm devasted - I am worried that she appears to have no self respect. What should I say to her (I can'T talk to my husband about this as he will just blow it all out of proportion) I have always tried to have an open relationship with her and have the view that sex is normal, healthy and fantastic fun within a good relationship - where am I going wrong? How do I get her to talk about this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

As a teenager, she would tend to be egocentric (think that others- adults do not understand her or what she's going through) When you speak with her, it may be helpful to focus on what she's experiencing (what she tells herself and what she believes) You can talk to her in a way where you let her know that you may not know completely what she's dealing with because each person has unique experiences. Yet, you've once been a teen and you're reminding her that as her mother, you're trying to have an open and honest relationship with her, and that you'd be there for her no matter what. Explain to her that you're not seeking disclosure that would make her feel uncomfortable or intrude on her privacy but rather wanting her to shed some light onto what is motivating her (what is behind her behavior)

 

You can explain to her that sexual intimacy does not necessarily translate into love or respect (it can be opportunistic for people) and that self worth is something that is not derived from external things (relationships/sex) but something one possesses within. Even though she's told you that she does not care what others think of her, you realize that her attempt at independence does not necessarily lead to increase in self worth. What matters is how she feels about herself and her actions and that is what you're talking to her about. Relationships and other's opinions come and go and what she carries within herself is something that she alone is in charge of.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for that, I have spoken to her and she says she realises that she has not behaved very well. I have asked her to stop drinking so much and treat herself more carefully and with kindness. Hopefully she will learn from all this and move on.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

You're helping her learn as the adult and parent in her life. Try to find out how her mood is (if she's depressed and drinking as a result of it or if she's doing it because her peers are doing it) You're being supportive to her and educating her at the same time and she may realize that everyone makes mistakes and that you're able to separate the person from their behaviors.

 

Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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