I am sorry to hear about what is going on. You are absolutely correct. No child should be separated from their mother for the first three years of their life.
Your son is too young to go to daddy's overnight. If one wants a child under three to not have separation-individuation problems they CANNOT , as I have already said, BE SEPARATED from mommy for the first three years of their life. This, of course, has complications because for the normal course of development, a child needs contact with the father,as well. Without giving you a whole early childhood development course, I'll cut to the chase and say this. Since he is a boy, a relationship with the dad is important for other reasons --- identification with the dad -- male figure. ( Of course, it's important for girls, too, but for different reasons.) So you and his dad need to sit down and talk about how your son can spend blocks of time with dad but not overnight. They could if they have an amicable relationship and have an extra room then have the dad stay at the mom's or the mom stay at the dad's. Or, if this is not a possibility, then for your son to start by spending a few hours with the dad. Let the mom drop in for a short visit and then let him play and be with his dad and then overnight being back with mom if mom is not staying at dad's. Yeah, I know --- complicated, isn't it? It's, also, not a simple matter because he also needs to spend time with dad. It's not just a matter of you saying to your ex --- ok, you'll see him when he's three years old. I think you understand what I am getting at. It needs a lot of talking between you and the child's father. If you feel you can't work it out between yourselves, the two of you should see a child analyst who will have extensive training in early childhood ego development. Any therapist who sees children will not have the extensive training to properly understand the complications of these separation issues. I do hope given what I provided that you will be able to work things out. If your relationship is such that you can't I'll be glad to help you find someone with the proper training. I will need their city, state and zip code. I wish you all well.-- Here is a link for a book by Louise Kaplan which is written more for the lay public. http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?keyword=Oneness_and_Separateness&mtype=B&hs.x=0&hs.y=0 Here is a link should you want to purchase the book "On Human Symbiosis and the Vicissitudes of Individuation" by Margaret S. Mahler, MD and Manuel Furer, MD. http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=4835308&keyword=On+Human+Symbiosis+and+the+Vicissitudes+of+Individuation&matches=11&cm_sp=works*listing*buyused
Thank you so much for your answer, it does help and puts into perspective much clearer the path to follow. Yes please, I need a good referral for a child analyst with proper training in Rockville MD, 20855.
Why a child analyst if she's an adult?
...I'm confused, my boy is 23 months old, I need to see someone asap this week, our final trial is next week and some pretty outrageous information has surfaced for which I have to speak to a specialist in this matter to provide me with accurate information regarding the consequences of putting my little boy through what my ex-husband is asking, given the brief background I provided you with... I'd like to call them right away... Who do you recommend in Rockville, MD, 20855?