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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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My 14 year old teenage daughter started high school in the

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My 14 year old teenage daughter started high school in the Fall of this year. Within a matter of weeks she had a boyfriend who is also a freshman in high school. The problem I have is that they really seem to like each other and I think they are too young. They are both 14 1/2. I read her diary (I felt bad reading it), and she talked about making out with him and him feeling her "boobs." Now, I am very upset and am not sure how to handle this because I don;t want to push her toward him more. She gets excellent grades and is very active in her high school. Please Help!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Hi,

 

You may approach the subject with her by discussing appropriate choices and behavior. Try to find out if in some way she feels a peer pressure to date or be liked. You are correct that she would do what she wants especially if you try to prevent her from dating. It seems that your concern is not so much about her socializing with him but rather the physical component of their interaction which could potentially lead to sexual intimacy. Try to speak to find out if she had thought about it and what may be some of the consequences for this if she does not wait until she is older. Her hormones are also affecting her behavior and you may reassure her that you know what she may be going through. At her age, she is going to be egocentric thinking that others (adults) do not understand her.

 

You would want her to trust you and be able to come to you as a confidant. You may hold of on telling her that you read her journal. If you believe that she would like to see this boy, and that some sort of a compromise may be reached, you may encourage that he visits her in your house where you can monitor their interaction more closely. You realize that ultimately she will try to do what she believes is going to make her happy as you are not watching her 24/7. At this stage, you're educating her and also assisting her in realizing what is age appropriate behavior and what can be some negative outcomes of going further with physical intimacy ex (diseases, pregnancy, regret, being labeled, being emotionally and psychologically immature to deal with the situation, etc)

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
All very good advice that I agree with and always try to follow. That is why I was very suprised about the comment in her diary about her letting him touch her that way. Yes, I am very concerned about the physical contact at age 14. Shouln'd I be concerned??
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Yes, as a parent you would always be concerned. Yet, for the time being it would not be healthy to think that something else had happened or imply to her that it had. You're trying to establish a good trusting relationship b.w the two of you where she would feel comfortable enough even if something took place or if she is thinking about it. A lot of teen behavior is due to peer pressure (if her friends are doing something that she feels she has to catch up to) And you would speak to her about self worth and what self esteem means to her.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
If I don't tell her about reading the diary, how can I explain to her that from now on I want them only to hang out at our house so that I can monitor them more closely? She will probably wonder what is up. I agree it is the best thing to do, I just don't know if she will wonder why.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

You would try to encourage her to share what her interaction with her had been so far and you can still let her know that you'd feel more comfortable having them near by. You can let her know that you realize that girls her age may be experimenting in their relationships and that you are making sure that she is not doing something she'd regret.

 

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